#190-Erti Syukur

Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah dan Maha Mengasihani.


Situasi 1:
Nona: Jamilah, awak cantiklah hari ni.
Jamilah: (sambil tersenyum) Alhamdulillah.


Apakah agak2 reaksi yang bakal ditunjukkan oleh Nona kemudiannya? Hm, satu situasi yang diutarakan Fadh masa usrah hari tu. Situasi yang kemungkinan menampilkan dua reaksi berbeza si tukang yang memuji, dan yang membezakan hanyalah sama ada kalimah alhamdulillah itu betul2 difahami maksudnya atau tak. Ayat dah berbelit-belit. Ampun. :)


Tergerak untuk menulis tentang syukur saat saya selesa di Poland yang suhunya sudah menurun ke -6 celcius hari ini, bukan lagi suhu mencecah -26 degree. Poland sekarang lebat dengan salji, bukan lagi disinari cahaya matahari yang membeku. Dan saya rasa saya tahu kenapa Allah memberi satu pengalaman winter yang belum pernah lagi saya alami sebelum2 ini. Allah mahu saya menghargai salji mungkin. 

Saban tahun mulut saya ringan sahaja dengan rungutan yang pelbagai saat salji turun menyiram bumi. Sejuk. Beku. Licin. Kotor. Dan saya juga ringan menuturkan pada kawan2 di Malaysia, "salji ni best untuk first timer je, lepas2 tu kalau takde salji dah pun takpe. sejuk." Kata2 angkuh. Bongkak.


Allah kemudian memberikan saya musim sejuk tanpa salji. Cahaya mentari sepanjang hari, tanpa ada seketul pun salji jatuh ke bumi. Dan musim sejuk tanpa salji itu adalah musim sejuk paling dingin untuk saya buat masa ini. Menggigil sepanjang masa walaupun tubuh dibaluti selimut tebal. Bilik yang dipanaskan heater juga seakan tiada kesan.


Dan saat Allah mendatangkan salji yang turun lebat kemudiannya, buat pertama kali saya menghargai dan mensyukuri kedatangan salji. Walaupun salji tebal menutupi jalan, cuaca tidaklah beku seperti dulu. Alhamdulillah. Segala puji bagi Allah. Untuk setiap apa yang berlaku, Allah mengaturkan sebegitu kerana itu adalah yang terbaik untuk mendekatkan kita kepada syurga dan redha-Nya. Hari ini dan seterusnya insyaAllah, saya adalah penggemar salji. ^_^

"Sedangkan kaum 'Ad, mereka telah dibinasakan dengan angin taufan yang sangat dingin, Allah menimpakan angin itu kepada mereka selama tujuh malam lapan hari terus-menerus; maka kamu melihat kaum 'Ad pada waktu itu mati bergelimpangan seperti batang2 pohon kurma yang telah kosong. Maka adakah kamu melihat seorang pun yang masih tersisa di antara mereka?" -69:6-8

#189-a thing called EGO

In the name of Allah the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful.

I dislike myself for not updating my blog that often. Whenever I started writing, there is always something to say. But somehow that temptation, the drive that made me wanna write has been long gone. Maybe it's running away since Poland has been extraordinarily cold nowadays. Something to do with the global warming, I suppose but I'd be satisfied to just settle for 'kunfayakun'. Allah wants it to be this way; the snowless, sunny all day long but way too freezing.

Hm, ego isn't good, is it? But everyone has an ego, the difference is whether it is high or low, whether it is tolerable or non. Ego isn't a character of our beloved Rasulullah saw, which means we shouldn't be proud to be ego. Ego is actually a character of shaitan, which the very reason why they were taken out of jannah. Shaitan were taken out of jannah because they were ego.

Ego is a latin word, which bears the meaning of 'I'. Based on my own personal opinion, I'd say the opposite of ego is 'not I'. It somehow makes sense, we become an egoistic person whenever we feel like we are the true, superior one. We want people to acknowledge us, that is an ego. We want us to be right and others to be wrong, that is ego.

And whenever we think of people more than we think of ourselves, we overcome our ego; little by little. The highest level of ukhwah, is when one is able to sacrifice everything, even his/her own life for his/her sahabat. But still, let's not go that deep. We don't sacrifice our life for our sahabat everyday. We do not encounter a situation of life and death everyday. So let's choose a more friendlier situation then. :)

Two situations happened to me today. One, where it needed me to sacrifice a favourite treasure of mine. And the only thing I could remember was Pidah's words months ago;

"Kalau kita sayang barang tu, kita kena bagi kat orang yang kita sayang." (her words weren't exactly like this, but somehow the meanings are similar)

This is a situation we encounter, if not always then sometimes in our life. Two sets of KFC, will we choose the less tasty part and give our friend the more yummy and crispy part? Two bowls of rice, will we choose the one with less soup and give our friend the one with more soup? And what will we think if a friend asks us to give her a treat? Will we say, "alah hari tu aku dah belanja ko" or will we say "sori weh, aku tengah takde duit la" or will we say "ok tapi nanti ko pulak belanja aku eh" or will we say "anytime utk sahabat yg aku sayang"??

When it comes to money, we people tend to get stingy at times. But do we know that the only money that is ours are the one that we spend fisabilillah, sincerely? How much do we spend every year for charity, for sadaqah, for the Palestinians maybe?

The second situation is, the ego that is just as difficult to handle. Sacrificing our feelings. I was known, (maybe am still known) as someone who treasures friendship so much. The more I treasure friendship, the more Allah tested me, the more hardships I faced which I believed was given by Allah to purify my intention in making friends. Was the friendship based on Allah or was it not?

I fought with my friends sometimes. We hurt each other. When one got hurt, the other will hurt as well. Ordinary people will not talk to each other afterwards, because they are defending their ego. "I will not talk to her unless she talks to me first!" A more extraordinary people will also choose to be in silent, until they are able to calm down, reflect on their own mistakes and are able to talk without being controlled by the emotion. But the most extraordinary one are those that are able to sacrifice the pain they feel inside, and immediately mend the situation. They are hurt, but they know the more they think about the pain, the worse their relationship will be. So they choose to become a 'not I' person, and prioritize others more than 'I'.

I have ego as well. And I don't like it. Ego is a barrier which I have to overcome to accomplish the so-called 'i love you fillah' relationship. When I love you because of Allah, nothing matters than Allah's pleasure and acceptance. When I love you because of Allah, who cares if I get hurt as long as our relationship is still the same. Because I love you fillah. Only when I don't love Allah anymore will our friendship end.

I wrote a looong entry again, when I thought I have nothing to say.

#188-Belajar Bercinta..

Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah dan Maha Mengasihani.

12:29am.

Percaya tak ukhwah tu sangat sangat sangat indah? Bila mana hubungan itu terjalin berteraskan Allah and Allah only, maka tak ada apa yang mampu memutuskan ikatan itu. Memang. Words are easier said than done. Semua orang akan setuju mengatakan ukhwah fillah itu kekal sampai ke syurga, tapi untuk merasa kemanisan ukhwah fillah itu, it needs more than just saying "i love you fillah." It needs heart that feels and efforts.

Pagi ini saya menulis berdasarkan secebis rasa yg terhasil bila mana sedikit tempias kemanisan ukhwah fillah itu terkena pada saya. Dahulunya, saya cuba berukhwah kerana Allah. Bila saya menuturkan kata2 sayang, saya selitkan nama Allah. Saya katakan saya mahu menyayangi sahabat2 saya sampai ke syurga. Kadang2 saya selitkan juga nasihat2, saya kongsikan hadis2 dan ayat2 al-Quran yg menarik. Saya kira itu adalah bukti bahawa saya benar2 menyayangi sahabat2 saya kerana Allah. Saya berbicara tentang agama dan ketuhanan terhadap sahabat2 saya, kerana saya mahu menjadi sahabat yg apabila diingati, bakal mengingatkan mereka kepada agama dan Tuhan.

Namun, saya kira, pada Allah, bukti yg saya tunjukkan itu belum cukup kukuh. Allah datangkan ujian kepada saya dan sahabat2 yg kononnya saya sayang kerana Allah itu. Nah, sedikit ujian emosi meretakkan hubungan saya dan mereka! Saya terasa. Mereka terasa. Saya ego. Mereka juga ego. Saya lalu cuba bersangka baik dan merapat. Namun, bila mereka sepi tanpa respon, ego saya membakar dan saya berdiam enggan lagi berusaha memperbaiki hubungan. Atas dasar Allahkah ukhwah yang sebegitu? Di manakah kemanisan berukhwah kerana Allah bila sedikit emosi mampu menghalau pergi segala-galanya?

Bukan sekali ia berlaku ke atas saya. Allah mengajar saya berkali-kali tentang erti sebenar ukhwah kerana Allah. Pengalaman demi pengalaman. Sahabat demi sahabat. Hubungan demi hubungan. Saya belajar, dan saya matang dengan cara yang sebegitu. Dan akhirnya saya memahami sendiri. Berukhwah kerana Allah, bukan semata2 berkongsi hadis2 dan ayat2 al-Quran. Ukhwah kerana Allah itu memang tidak akan terputus, namun ukhwah yang tidak akan dapat diputuskan itu memerlukan kepercayaan yang setinggi-tingginya.

Datanglah ujian bentuk apa sekalipun. Perpisahan. Pergaduhan. Cemburu. Kepercayaan penuh bahawa dia turut merasa kemanisan ukhwah sebagaimana yang kita rasa akan dapat mengatasi semua itu. Kadang2 terbit juga rasa cemburu. Kadang2 saya juga terasa. Kadang2 saya juga lemas bila mana merindui sahabat yg jauh di benua berbeza. Namun ukhwah fillah yang terjalin atas dasar akidah dan perjuangan yang sama ini mengatasi segalanya. Saya percaya bahawa ukhwah itu manis, dan kerana itu saya merasa kemanisannya, dan ujian2 yang datang sekadar menambahkan rasa cinta dan keyakinan saya.

Allah itu juga manis. Sweet terhadap hamba2-Nya. Allah memberi. Allah juga mengajar. Lebih 4 bulan sebagai pelajar perubatan tahun ketiga, saya belajar bahawa pengalaman itu sangat berharga. Allah memberi saya ukhwah yg sekadar disandarkan pada nama-Nya tanpa dipaterikan sebenar-sebenarnya. Dan kemudian Allah mengajar saya mengenali ukhwah yang benar2 memaknakan hubungan itu kerana-Nya.

Saya belajar melalui dua pengalaman itu. Saya belajar menghargai. Saya belajar menyayangi. Dan saya belajar bercinta. Semata-mata kerana Dia.

#187-Five Things I Missed About India

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious and The Most Merciful.

My second post for 2012, is going to be a personal one. ^__^ I just kind of thought about this during pharmacology lecture today. Hee.

The fifth:

(gambar hiasan)

Vanilla ice cream! From Poland straight to India, boleh kata macam kena heatstroke la jugak kot. :) From 15 something degree, to 40 something degree. And maybe due to that, I started eating ice creams almost everyday. Nak beli chocolate ice cream mahal, so I settled for the cheapest one, vanilla flavoured. First time makan dekat hotel kat New Delhi in the room with Pidah, Fadh and Nina spending time together watching Snakes On A Plane. ^^

The fourth:

There is a Korean restaurant, located strategically in a place surrounded by apartments rented by Malaysian students kat Bangalore. For marketing purposes, aside from Korean dishes, they sell Malaysian dishes as well. I missed the nasi ayam there. And the Korean noodle. One sweet memory about this Korean noodle is that, it's my first Korean meal made by a Korean and shared with a bestfriend in the same bowl. ^__^

(gambar hiasan)

The third:

We went to a village in Tamil Nadu. It was a small, peaceful village with not that much development. Outside the cottage we lived, we could see wild deers in the deep forest. Despite the mosquitoes, jalan yg lecak sangat2, I somehow fell in love with the place. Of all places I've been during the one month in India, this might be one of the best places. Fresh air, sawah padi kiri kanan...maybe there is a tiny little me inside that wanna leave behind all the hustle bustle of the city and move into a forest and befriend the animals?


The second:

An experience of a lifetime. River rafting kat Manali! Terbaik! No words can actually describe the experience. Everything was engraved in the memory. I am not that sporty, nor do I have strong stamina, but to be able to feel your feet went numb in the cold river water while your hands had to grab tightly on that one rope that seems like the only link between your life and death...it was a precious experience that I wish can be repeated over and over again! :D


The first:

Keluar tajuk. This isn't a thing. It's a she. Nurul Azhani M. Ahkar Nawawi. If there's a reason I would want to go to India again, she will be the reason. I just missed her. I texted her almost everyday since the last two weeks, but the more I talked to her, the more I missed her. The distance somehow is killing me. I would wish to go back to that one year we used to live in the same room. I would wish to go back to that one year we used to eat on the same table. I would wish to go back to that one year we used to laugh at the same jokes, cried for the same reasons, gossiped on the same person, sharing stories like normal 19-year-old girls. This post was written, just because I missed you.

Since I am so far away from you, I hope Allah blesses you, protects you, gives you good health and a meaningful life. Allah will take care of you. Allah will be by your side, giving His love and care, supporting you on your fights to be a better person for our deen. Ameen.

And I am here, will always pray for the best for an Azhani in Bangalore, India. :)

#186-2012

Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah dan Maha Mengasihani.

Blog ini telah diprivatekan for a few days, and now it's back on public. Blog ini menceritakan liku-liku hidup saya sejak 2008 sehingga sekarang. Blog ini sebahagian daripada catatan penting dalam hidup saya. Blog ini mengisahkan cerita yang datang dari hati, akal dan emosi. Dan insyaAllah, blog ini akan terus menjadi sebahagian daripada saya.

A few days on hiatus in this heartwarming 2012, saya menghadapi sedikit masalah perasaan, yang saya tahu dengan sepenuhnya jalan keluar untuk itu, namun saya degil untuk bergerak keluar darinya. A problem of a tough battle between black and white, good and bad, hidayah and jahiliyyah.

Saya tidak bangga mengatakan masih ada sisa jahiliyyah dalam diri sendiri, yang sukar benar untuk dikikis. Dan saya juga tidak bangga mengatakan alasan sukar itu tak akan membantu saya berhujah di hadapan Allah di akhirat kelak. Saya tidak bangga mengakui bahawa saya rasa berat dan terbeban untuk mengorak langkah pertama keluar dari kepompong jahiliyyah ini. Dan saya juga tidak bangga mengakui bahawa peperangan ini, konflik dalaman dalam diri ini adalah amat hebat sehingga mengganggu emosi saya, sekali gus dakwah dan tarbiyyah saya,

Dan untuk itu, saya dengan rendah hati memohon doa sahabat2 yg membaca.

"Ya Allah, permudahkan urusan aku, dia dan kami semua. Jika ujian yang Kau pilih untuk ditimpakan ke atas aku, dia dan kami semua, maka Kau jadikanlah itu ujian yang mendekatkan aku, dia dan kami semua kepada-Mu. Dan jika nikmat yang Kau pilih untuk ditimpakan ke atas aku, dia dan kami semua, maka Kau jadikanlah itu nikmat yang juga bakal mendekatkan aku, dia dan kami semua kepada-Mu. Mencintai-Mu itu yang paling utama, mencari keredhaan-Mu itu pula bukanlah yang kedua. Cintailah kami, pandanglah kami, istiqamahkan kami di atas jalan yang Kau redhai." Amin ya rabbal alamin.