#244

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

My bestfriend might be getting married. Well, I have a lot of friends that I consider bestfriend, and one of them might be getting married.

Two things that keep getting tugged on my heart:

1. She, like me, never really has anyone who is a potential spouse in life. Crushes, we do have. But she, like me, was never really in a serious relationship with anyone. Suddenly there is a guy who came into the picture, out of nowhere. I wasn't able to recover yet from the shock of someone coming into her life so sudden, and now she might even be getting married to that man. Double the shock.

2. She was so similar to me that I consider her the other me. One of my other bestfriends said something like this about the three of us; despite being 25, I don't feel pressured when people our age are getting married. But I might feel pressured when one of us is getting married. Well, not that I am pressured, but I think I will lose her as a bestfriend once she gets married. A part of me is getting married, how can I not?

I am sad over such an exciting news, I would be a bitch if I tell her all this, right?

#242

In the name of Allah The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful.

Winter is my least favorite season, but since this may be my last winter in Poland, I get sentimental somehow. I always am that kind of girl, getting sentimental and emotional even with the littlest thing.

One question that I have been wondering; why is winter night so bright? It gets dark like usual when the sun sets around 5pm, but when it gets to 9pm and above, the sky doesn't get pitch dark. It turns bright and orange. Is it only due to light pollution?

Sometimes, the hardest things in life is the simplest one. Like..a simple question that is very hard to answer. For example, "Are you happy with your life now?"

It was a question I have no exact answer to. The answer always depends on my mood. What about you? Are you happy with your life? 

#238

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Almost four months without a single post. I actually have two drafts waiting to be posted but I just couldn't bring myself to finish either. I have some very serious procrastination problems.

It's this time of the year. Psychiatry rotation. The doctor said that in Poland, (and maybe other four-seasons country as well), depressed patients have more recurrent frequency in spring. Little that I know, of all the clinical rotations I've had, this is the one rotation I am getting myself all hypochondriac on. >.<

I have two conclusions to share. You may agree on it, or you may not. Suit yourself.

1. All the hypo- and the hyper- are pathologic. Er, this isn't really a conclusion, it's more of something that I came to realize upon today.

2. Psychiatric disorders are called as such because they impair the normal daily activities and clear judgements of a person. If they don't affect a person's normal life, the person can be crazy but will still be called normal; which is why I personally think that: everyone, within themselves have actually psychiatric disorders that are hidden behind the so-called norms of the world.

I did a depression evaluation test last night and my result was moderate depression. =.= 

Don't worry, I do not believe that I have moderate depression though being a hypochondriac medical student, I do think that I have some symptoms of minor depression.

1. I am blaming everything and everyone for my sadness and my emotional roller coaster ride.
2. I feel like no one really cares about me, that no one really has the sincerity of listening to me because they actually cared.
3. Okay, this one is a symptom of mania; so maybe I have bipolar instead? I tend to shop excessively sometimes, on food. 
4. My daily activities sometimes are disrupted due to my procrastination problems and my attitude of escaping from responsibilities.
5. I have hypersomnolence. When I said hyper, it is because it IS hyper.
6. I don't think this is a symptom of depression but it worries me: I kept thinking about rebelling. 

Well, after a while, I decided not to diagnose myself with depression, but a more serious syndrome. It is called futur.

A syndrome where our iman had a breakdown and decreases, and since iman isn't something we can measure, it is manifested by our amal. Somehow, it is not the amal that actually convinced me that I have this syndrome, instead it is my feeling. What I feel when I pray. What I feel when I read the Quran. What I feel during usrah. God, how long has it been since I cried repenting? How long has it been since I smiled at the sweetness of Allah talking to me? How long has it been since I actually believed Allah is with me? Astaghfirullahaladzim.

Surah Muzammil. One surah, with a persuading tone, asking those who are working in the cause of Allah, to never forget to take care of their relationship with the God. It is a surah with a deep meaning, engraved so deep in my heart because somehow I think it is a surah for someone like me. It is meant for someone like me. It is for me. 

Shiela, futur is way more dangerous than depression, no? How will you treat yourself?Diagnosing it is just the first step, treating it will possibly need you to do some sacrifice. 
But isn't it worth it? For Him? For His blessing? For His heaven? 

Life's but a walking shadow. It's temporary. It has no permanent meaning. Leave it. For a better life.

Yet, another symptom of depression. I want to die. But not as someone who commits suicide, but insyaAllah, ya Allah, grant me syahid.

#234 the other side of me

In the name of Allah The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful.

I am supposed to go to Norway today. With Fadh, Pidah and Yuyu.

(like my feeling. empty.)

But what are my plans compared to His?

***

Have I ever introduced you to my housemates of five years here?  

Thohirah. Or we call her Yuyu. When we were in MSU, I had an impression that she is soft and nice. A polite Malay girl who talks nicely and smiles all the time. Turned out I was wrong. She is still nice, but she is actually this bubbly girl who sometimes makes lame jokes which you can't help but laugh uncontrollably at. She is this girl who is good at masking her emotions, and even when she's upset, she'll stay quiet and never brings it up. She brought the Ganu slang into our home and now we no longer speak in one dialect, we mix all of the dialects in one go.

Afidah. Or she likes people calling her Pidah. She believes that she's a lost princess of a kingdom and one day people will acknowledge her princess quality. *rolling eyes jap* See what she is here? A girl with a princess complex. Haha. She used to be very sensitive, and because of that she cares about people's feelings more than anyone. Despite everything, I see her as next to perfect and even though she doesn't acknowledge that, I know it's because she doesn't see herself in my point of view. She's responsible for our Kelate slang, though her family says she's not good in that dialect either. Eheh.

Fadhlina. Or Fadh. If you are to live with her, you need to get used to two things. One, listening to the same stories more than twice. Two, her weird and sometimes annoying attitude. What can I say? She's weird. Why? No one can objectively interpret what weird is. Let's just say she does things normal people don't usually do. But she is one organized person, thanks to her parents' genes. She doesn't like to lose in arguments but when she needs to be a listener and adviser, she listens and advises well. She taught us the Nogori slang though I think I'd never be able to speak in that slang. @.@

***

That's a short introduction about my housemates. We all have flaws. The reason we are still friends today after knowing each other's flaws is we overlook those for the qualities we have within. 

Thank you for keeping up with me; my moodswings, my cravings, my laziness and the list goes on and on. You girls are awesome and I am grateful to be one of the abandoned four in Lodz because of you. Lol. Exaggerating. 

I pray that this friendship, or ukhwah, or bond, or whatever you call it will last forever. Forever as in, not only when we are alive, but until we are alive again in the other eternal world. I am in this with them. I become who I am today because I have them to support me, to talk to me, to stop me and to encourage me. We are in this together, as a doctor-to-be and a full-time daie. I can't imagine a day not having them close by. I can't imagine a day going through this path of life without holding their hands. I don't ever want to imagine it, nor do I want it to happen. 

Allah, ya muqallibal qulub, tsabbit qulubana 'ala dinik. 

post script 1: Being left behind is painful enough. And now it's being left behind while feeling under the weather. I hate this. 

post script 2: why is this entry called the other side of me? a tribute to the late sidney sheldon's novel. eheh. and they are the other side of me. they are my reflections, and I am them.

#229 Rooftop Rant

Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah dan Maha Mengasihani.

#np Hai Sahabat.

Rooftop Rant

Tadi ingat nak selitkan sekeping gambar novel Rooftop Rant ni, tapi rasanya ramai je tahu benda apa Rooftop Rant ni. Google je, insyaAllah jumpa apa yang dimaksudkan. 

Hmm. Entah mood apa. Tiba-tiba je datang rasa sedih bila baca tweet budak tomato tadi. 

Memang sedar je selama ni, yang dalam banyak-banyak novel Hlovate tu, tak ramai kot yang akan suka Rooftop Rant as their number one. Banyak jumpa orang paling suka Contengan Jalanan atau aA+bB, and sometimes Versus. Tapi Rooftop Rant..Nad pernah cakap this novel is something, dan Wan pun I think likes Rooftop Rant the way I do. Dan itu je. Tak ramai orang aku boleh buat sembang pasal Rooftop Rant, melainkan rant sorang-sorang dekat twitter bila rindu pada novel ni tiba-tiba datang menjengah.

Aku faham. Lain orang lain preference. Dan, mungkin aku pun bukanlah tipikal sangat untuk minat apa yang orang lain minat? 

Sungguh. Besar influence novel sebuah ni pada aku. Kuat attachment novel sebuah ni dengan aku. Orang takkan faham. Orang pun mungkin akan pandang pelik bila kita mengaitkan kehidupan kita dengan watak-watak novel yang hanya wujud dalam dunia imaginasi si penulis dan dunia imaginasi si pembaca, yang most of the times, walaupun bahan bacaannya sama, apa yang diimaginasikan pasti berbeza. 

Dan orang mungkin tak boleh mengaitkan cerita hidup Trisy dan Jade dengan kehidupan mereka. Tapi aku boleh. Dan mungkin kerana itu Rooftop Rant ni beri impak besar pada aku. 

1. Aku faham bila Trisy tak nak balik KL walaupun berkali-kali ditanya Pak Su. Walaupun diri dah berubah, walaupun dah dapat tarbiyyah, walaupun kepingin pada suasana keluarga yang bahagia, nak menjadi pemula dan nak mula melangkah ke arah perubahan itu perlukan kekuatan yang super strong. Sebab kita akan rasa berseorangan, bila kita seorang je yang berubah, sedangkan keluarga kita masih macam dulu. Kita mahu mengubah tapi kita masih mencari-cari sumber kekuatan untuk merapati keluarga sendiri. 

2. Aku faham bila Trisy buat stunt pegi entah hotel mana-mana, disconnect sekejap dengan keluarga. Kerja gila macam tu, aku pun pernah buat. Bezanya tak ada yang akan call bertalu-talu tanya aku kat mana. I treasure those rare moments I can be alone without people asking me where am I. Aku suka bersendirian, untuk muhasabah balik dan perbetulkan apa yang perlu dibaiki.

3. Aku faham bila Trisy sangat sangat sangat susah nak bukak cerita tentang diri sendiri pada orang lain. Manusia semua pun ada their own skeletons in the closet kan, dan kita akan takut pada impression dan layanan orang terhadap kita bila mereka tahu pasal jerangkung-jerangkung yang kita cuba sembunyikan tu. Untung sangat kita ni, Allah tutup aib kita. Maka janganlah kita membuka aib kita pada manusia lain. 

"Ya Allah, aku terjaga (tertidur) olehmu dalam nikmat afiat (keselamatan dari mara bencana) dan terjaganya rahsia-rahsia (dosa-dosa)ku, maka sempurnakan nikmat-Mu, afiat-Mu dan penjagaan-Mu itu atasku, di dunia dan akhirat."

4. Being a girl, I dream of a relationship macam Jade dan Trisy. Bukan part dorang spill on each other, atau part dorang rindu each other ke apa. Tapi the way Hlovate potrays how strong their trusts are towards each other. Bertahun-tahun tak contact, in any means possible, traditionally or non. Mungkin hanya dihubungkan melalui doa. Tapi they trust each other that one will wait for another no matter how long it will take. 

Aku bukan Trisy, sebab aku tak ada Jade. Tapi aku ada mata untuk observe rakan-rakan di sekeliling aku, and I came to a conclusion. Lelaki zaman sekarang banyaknya payah nak setia kalau tak contact dan terpisah antara benua. Lelaki, untuk steady dengan seorang perempuan tu kena selalu jumpa atau selalu contact. Dan sesungguhnya, jangankan jumpa, setakat nak bersms bertukar khabar tu pun bagi aku adalah satu kesalahan. Aku bukan feminist yang pandang serong pada golongan lelaki..ada je lelaki yang macam Jade in this context. In fact i knew one, yang dah selamat pun menikah dengan his other half. Tapi susah kot nak jumpa lelaki macam ni sekarang?

Novel ni bukan macam kehidupan. Novel itu ada permulaan, klimaks dan pengakhiran. Kehidupan pun sama, ada permulaan, klimaks dan pengakhiran. Bezanya, klimaks dalam novel diperkenalkan, bahawa itu klimaks. Dalam kehidupan, kadang-kadang kita tak sedar pun kita ni sedang diuji Allah. Perang pemikiran berlaku sepanjang masa dan apa yang betul itu kadang-kadang dipandang pelik dan apa yang biasa itu banyaknya salah dari segi agama. 

Dan novel ada pengakhiran. Banyaknya bahagia, tapi kehidupan? Mampukah kita kata kita akan ada pengakhiran yang baik? Happy ending for Trisy and Jade, but for us? Novel hidup kita ni tak ada limit pages. Tak tahu pun bila akan habis. Tak tahu pun habis masa kita tengah bahagia atau tengah kecewa atau tengah tak peduli apa-apa. 

Bukalah hati kita untuk menerima dan mengamalkan islam sepenuhnya. Jangan tunggu sampai seru. Sebab seru dah lama sampai, lebih 1400 tahun lepas. Bukalah hati kita untuk mula mencari. Bukalah hati kita untuk tidak rasa puas dengan apa yang kita miliki dan lalui kini. Bukalah hati kita untuk mula mempersoalkan apa yang terjadi. Jangan rasa puas dengan kehidupan kita..belajar, kerja, kahwin, beli rumah, dapat anak, pencen, dapat cucu, mati. Itu kita yang menjadi robot pada dunia, hidup berdasarkan skema yang ditetapkan dunia untuk kita. Kita bukan macam tu. Kita manusia, khalifah Allah, sebaik-baik kejadian. Sampai bila nak biar hidup kita diatur oleh sistem sebegitu? Kita lebih baik daripada itu! 

Berubahlah, dan dunia akan berubah bersama kita. Jangan bila disoal di hadapan Tuhan kelak, kita terkial-kial mencari apa sumbangan kita pada agama. 

Luar tajuk dah ni. Baik aku stop sini. 

post script: masa sekolah dulu, pernah dapat teruk english sebab salah buat kajian novel. ingat cerita the lotus eater? for people it has a sad ending. for me, it was a happy ending. terus Mdm Art pangkah awal2 sebab tulis cerpen tu happy ending. mungkin betul aku punya cara fikir salah wiring sikit. huhu.

#222 - Ideologi Gila Seorang Hamba

Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah dan Maha Mengasihani.

Aku tahu manusia pandai berimaginasi, because I am one. So, picture this.

Kau seorang perempuan. Or lelaki. Whichever. You are going to class. By tram. Or bus. Whichever. And there's separate compartments for lelaki and perempuan. 

Picture this. Kau hidup dalam satu zaman yang mana, tak ada sempadan antara negara. Wherever you wanna go, you are welcomed with smiles instead of bullets or strict customs. Satu dunia ditadbir oleh seorang pemerintah. Yang kita panggil khalifah. 

Aku gilakah? Terlalu kuat berangan-angan? Kurang tidur lalu aku bermimpi dalam keadaan sedar? 

Aku rindukan ustaziyatul alam. Allah. Tak perlu serabut-serabut fikir pasal pilihanraya yang bakal tiba. Tak ada korupsi. Tak ada anjing-menganjing antara parti. Aku boleh ke mana-mana tanpa dipandang pelik kerana aku berhijab, malah aku akan dihormati sesuai dengan martabat wanita dalam islam. 

Aku yakin dengan janji Allah. Namun, masih hidupkah aku saat itu? Apa yang sudah aku persiapkan dalam perjuangan ini? Aku mungkin kelihatan hebat bila menulis, namun amal perbuatan aku masih banyak yang kurang. Ya Allah. Gilakah aku?

post script: maybe what i need is sleep. Good night.

#202

Assalamualaikum. ^_^

Entah. Lain perasaan ni. Tadi sedih tahap cencaluk. *quoted* Sekarang langsung tak sedih. Bersedia menerima segala kemungkinan. Dan semoga Allah beri aku kekuatan. Kalau takdir Allah adalah untuk aku gagal pharmacology, maka sedaya upaya akan aku cuba terima dan telan takdir tu. Gagal atau lulus, itu yang terbaik untuk seorang Narshiela Saad.

Dan ini buat aku bahagia hari ni. 

Ini bukan kali pertama nama Siti NurSyazwani aku sebut di sini. Ini sahabat aku! Sahabat yang sangat disayangi. Sahabat yang ingin aku ke syurga bersamanya. Dia bukan jenis yang suka menjaja kata2 sayang. Berkali2 jugak aku dan dia main aci2 terasa hanya kerana secebis kata "aku sayang hg". Tapi hari ni, agaknya kerana dua2 tengah sedih tahap cencaluk, mode luahan hati tiba2 terswitched on.

Ini juga sebab aku bahagia. 

Berbulan aku carik brick game. Gian sangat nak main. Hari ni aku jumpa!! :D

Jalan2 sekitar P street rasa gatal tangan nak ambik gambar, walau skill tak ada. Hanya tahu picit butang capture pada blackberry yg dibawa. Nampak bunga, subhanallah cantiknya. Teringat janji dekat Wani nak ambik gambar tulip masih belum tertunai. 

Nampak gambar bangunan, subhanallah cantik lagi. Entah kenapa hari ni semua bangunan aku rasakan cantik. Yang bercat baru, yang lusuh dimakan hujan, semua2 la. Teringat Wani lagi. Dia suka ambil gambar bangunan. 

Ini peneman aku saat melepas sedih kerana pharmacology. Subhanallah, cantik kan dia? :D 

Entry hari ini sangat berupa random. Maaflah. Tapi aku rasa asing dengan diri sendiri. Untuk seorang Narshiela Saad cepat benar berubah mood dari sedih kepada kelapangan dada dan bahagia adalah satu keadaan ajaib yang hanya mampu didatangkan oleh Dia. Entah ini petanda apa. Yang pasti, Narshiela Saad berterima kasih kepada Dia. Saat sedih, Narshiela Saad ada Dia. Saat bahagia, Narshiela Saad masih mampu menyebut nama Dia. :)

#199

You know, if you are an avid Hlovate's reader, you'll figure out that most of the characters in his/her novels, at least underwent two different phases of life. First, the past which was usually based on the character's interests. Second, the better present which was the character's choice.

I am not a fictional character, though I think at some point of my life I did undergo those two phases. InsyaAllah and alhamdulillah, I am a better me, but right now I am reminiscing my past. Listening to a playlist of Linkin Park's songs (in youtube because I already deleted most of the songs and my mp3 and mp4 are officially dead now). 

Linkin Park was my past. I threw it away years ago, since high school. I shouldn't be digging every single thing that was in the past, but since I missed my mother tonight, I did feel like reminiscing the past for a while before I shut the door to those jahiliyyah tightly. 

Guess that I am still not a good Muslim. I couldn't really leave those things behind. There were times, that out of the blue I'll be missing it. It's like missing a person you are forbidden to miss. You hate it when you missed him/her, but it isn't something you can control. 

"If you can't beat those pious people in doing good deeds, then beat those sinners in saying astaghfirullahalazhim." A quote that I stumbled upon today, which I rephrase because I couldn't remember how was the real sentence structure.

I wish you are a phone call away, Mother. But it looks like..you are a prayer away. :) Let's pretend you are still here. Will I miss you right now? Will I love you the way I love you? I guess I will get tired of your nagging, because whatever a daughter does that is out of the sight of her mother, is wrong. Mothers will always be typical and predictable. Haha.

Random and...Linkin Park's Somewhere I Belong is playing. Out. 

#196

Without even planning for it, this blog has been like a diary. Imagine myself in 30 years reading all the blog entries, the one when I talked about Sidney Sheldon and Harry Potter, reciting every single characters in the books. :D The one when I wrote about my housemates back in MSU. The one with pictures I took while finding some solace in solitude in a park. I love those entries I wrote in my first year the best! It was when I was first introduced to the real islam, when I felt like I was reborn into a muslim not just by name. And the one about my bestfriends. :)

This is another collection of my private nonsense entry. 

It's like...I missed the old me. Not the whole, but a portion of it. That me who used to blog frequently. That me who used to read a novel of 2-inches-thickness in a day. That me who talked about Sidney Sheldon and his creations as if I was talking about myself. Fadh wants to find herself, because she thought her soul has gone home to Malaysia leaving her flesh here. While I want to find myself as well, thinking that my soul has been so excitedly happy in the world of jahiliyyah that she couldnt find the real her now. 

Well, since Muse asked for it. Here's two pictures, not related to anything that has been said in this entry. 

Randomly taken. One in Lagiewniki Park (or forest?), the other just by the side of the road while I was waiting for the bus. I love how colourful can trees be. Looking at the beautiful trees, no one will ever wonder about the super huge extra XXL Christian cemetery just right behind. :D

#195-300412

Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah dan Maha Mengasihani.


Sekarang pukul 1:53am, 1 May 2012.. Lagi less than one hour nak masuk subuh. Tadi mengantuk gila, tapi bila dah after pukul 12 tak tido, mata rasa segar. Baik tunggu subuh, lepas tu boleh tido. ^^


Exactly two months from now, insyaAllah i'll fly home. Back to Malaysia! Tadi abang tweet pasal Mak Teh buat sup tulang. Anak penakan Mak Teh yg sorang ni jangankan tulang, isi ayam pun dah lama tak terjamah. 


Rindu makanan kat Malaysia. Tu paling utama. Cendol pulut yg tak berapa nak minat tu pun dah teringin rasa, petanda memang dah gila nak makan makanan yg cuma ekslusif ada kat Malaysia. Dua, rindu keluarga. Keluarga. Pak. Tok. Adik-beradik. Rindu nak bercurahat lagi dengan kakak. Gap umur 12 tahun doesnt mean anything bila anda menjejak usia 20-an menjadi anak dara. Heheh. Dan rindu juga anak saudara yang bakal lahir selang beberapa hari sampai ke bumi Malaya. InsyaAllah, mohon doa semua yang membaca semoga Allah permudahkan segalanya. Oh. Tak lupa. Dah tentu rindu keluarga yg tak terikat dengan hubungan darah. Keluarga nombor dua. Wani. Zatil. As. Kirah. Nad. Keluarga Revo la senang cerita. 


Hari ini hari bahagia buat seorang Narshiela. Akhirnya berjaya memegang sekeping buku bergelar passport selepas 6 bulan jadi ala2 pendatang haram tanpa izin dekat bumi Poland. Heheh. Pengalaman. Kena warning awal2 dah dengan En Azman, "Bagi hilang lagi passport, next time ada penalti." InsyaAllah En Azman, saya jaga passport macam jaga nyawa sendiri lepas ni. Dapat je passport mata dah bersinar dengan segala plan ke bumi mana hendak diterjah nanti. 6 bulan terperangkap dalam Poland buat hati rindu pada suasana stranded dan terpaksa bermalam di airport. 


Oh, bahagia juga dengan kedatangan seorang sahabat ke kampung Lodz. Berjaya memaksa diri main go kart for the first time. Buat diri sendiri nak ada lesen kereta dan kereta secepat mungkin! :D Jelajah Port Lodz dan Manufaktura sampai ke tengah malam. Gembira. Minum coffee heaven buat kali ke-4 dalam empat hari berturut-turut. Memang kaya coffee heaven dapat customer ketagih macam saya. Banyak gambar, tapi mungkin entry yang seterusnya. Hmm, insyaAllah esok nak cari tasik yang boleh berkayak. Teringin nak river rafting lagi, tapi dekat Lodz tak ada. Kayak pun jadi la sebagai pengganti.


Jealous dengan Nina yang akan ke Zakopane esok insyaAllah. Haha. Nina, kau takkan baca kot post ni tapi, kau tahu kalau bab2 adventure kau nak berhiking bagai ni, aku la orang paling terkilan kalau kau hike tanpa aku. Hmm, mungkin satu hari nanti. Bila Allah melapangkan rezeki. 


Dah pukul 2:17am. Lagi 22 minit nak azan. 

#193

Dengan nama Allah.

When it comes to perbuatan2 yang boleh saya kategorikan mampu menambah iman saya dan mendekatkan diri kepada redha Allah, saya cukup tak suka kalau ia menjadi habit. Contoh, usrah. Tiap2 minggu ada usrah and eventually it made me feel like it is a routine, yg nak ke tak nak ke, ikhlas ke tak ikhlas ke, kena attend la, sbb mmg dah peraturannya begitu. Usrah sekali seminggu. 

Bila kita anggap perbuatan itu sebagai rutin, maka lari sudah niat asal. Ikhlas entah ke mana. Nikmat beribadah hilang juga entah ke mana. I used to hold onto this quote, fake it till you make it. True. Sometimes we need to force ourselves to do it, sampai satu masa kita rasa tak kena kalau tak buat. Baguslah kalau jadi macam tu. Takut2 apa yg jadi nanti is, bila benda tu dah jadi habit, kita buat for the sake of kalau tak buat rasa lain macam. Tak ke niat asal dah lari? Sudah. Dilema sekejap. There is a battle within. What is your reason of doing it in the first place? Which bring us back to the bottom. Hadis 1. Niat. 

Nak berniat senang. Tapi nak memastikan kita betul2 berniat lillahi ta'ala tu? -a heavy sigh- 

24/10/2011

Dengan nama Allah, yang Maha Pemurah dan Maha Mengasihani.

First.

Saat Malaysia sibuk dengan HIMPUN, warga Malaysia Poland pulak sibuk dengan ISK last weekend. Patutnya this entry should be written before the ISK, tapi nak buat macam mana dah masa ni baru ada mood nak blogging kan. Hehe. Seronok dapat kembali ber-ISK. Tak boleh kalau dengar sekali je, dengar tiap2 tahun pun tak jemu, di samping boleh jugak polish balik apa yg dah berkarat, remind balik apa yg dah terlupa, renew balik niat yg dah lama. ^_^

Ini video promo ISK yg disediakan oleh Triple P Production. Thumbs up to them. Dengar background music pun dah berdentum2 bunyi jantung. Hehe. Kepada yg dah pernah dapat ISK, tahu la apa bestnya ISK ni. Pada yg tak tahu, tak salah untuk ambil sedikit inisiatif dan tanya pada yg tahu. InsyaAllah sekelumit pun tak akan rugi kalau dapat tahu tentang ISK ni. :)

Second.

Kelas Hygiene and Epidemiology. Macam biasa masa kelas ni aku memang berleluasa sikit, tulis esei luar tajuk berkajang-kajang bagi nak mengelak mengantuk. Akhirnya hari ini, ini yang terhasil. Tak ada motif pun, tapi rasa nak post jugak. Hehe.

Sahabat-sahabat Rasulullah SAW

Negara-negara Islam

Surah-surah dalam al-Quran

The last two crosswords tu tak sempat Fadh, Pidah and Yuyu nak buat dah habis kelas. Hehe. Aku saja buat sebab Yuyu ngadu mengantuk sangat, tak nak bagi dia tido aku suruh la dia buat crossword ni. Haha. Oh gambar last tu abaikan. Kemaruk nak main game spider2 tu, tapi Yuyu tak bawak handphone, so terpaksa la reka sendiri kan. Hehe.

Third.

Poland dah sejuk. Huhu. Yakin berani je aku keluar tadi pakai sweater sehelai, walau masih boleh tahan lagi tapi kawan2 lain dah berbungkus dengan dua tiga sweater dah. Huhu. Selagi belum salji ni, nak la ambik gambar autumn barang sekeping. Cantik betul daun2 warna golden yellow, tapi tak sempat lagi nak ambik gambar. Subhanallah memang sangat cantik kot. That's why autumn is my favourite season. :) Oh, insyaAllah weekend ni nak jumpa Mashi dekat Germany. Semoga dipermudahkan. ^^

Salam sayang untuk semua. Semoga Allah permudahkan urusan kita semua. :)

#173 Umar ^_^

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful.

A friend of mine said, we can't just make friends with the human being. Make friends with the nature as well. Because unlike us, they remember Allah 24/7. That is why we human tend to feel calm around nature. Listening to the sound of the rain drops, birds chirping, waves in the ocean and much more.

And so I went to Galleria yesterday, my favourite shopping mall in Lodz and I bought this. Taddaaaa~~!!

Hi there! I am Umar ^^

I am not good in taking care of animals and plants. And so as a start, I thought maybe cactus will be the easiest one to take care of. Haha. No idea though, but I hope Umar will not die. Umar has a companion though, called Iman, Yuyu's cactus. Anyway, his little appearance made him so cute. Haha. Jes asked me last night, "Did you hug him to sleep?" ^^ If not due to the thorns, I might have done that for real! XD

Oh, I named him Umar because while thinking of a name for him, I kinda thought about Saidina Umar al-Khattab. I adored Saidina Umar's outspoken attitude, and though he's one of the dearest sahabats to Rasulullah, I could somehow see how humble he was. He's the best example for me, whenever I thought it was so difficult to leave the jahiliyyah I've been living in. Umar the Cactus, please grow up and be as strong as Saidina Umar r.a. ^^

Oh, I promised As that I will be updating my blog more frequently. And up until now, I think I did a good job in holding on to my promise. But then, she somehow disappeared. Sigh. She might be busy studying though. Well, I hope she's doing well, but I am so missing her here in blog and facebook as well. And there has been a few requests for her to make twitter. But she told me she wouldn't make one though. I hope she changed her mind, because she's missing the fun of us Revorians in twitter. Keke.

Hm, that's all for now. ^^ This week, though only the second week of the semester, is going to be hectic for me. Exam, quizzes and homeworks. Please pray for me, that I will be doing well. And I so desperately need to boost up my confidence! Most of the classes that I have to attend need me to stand up and talk. And somehow, I am still not confident with my English. Well, maybe it's because I didn't speak English but Manglish all the time. Sigh.

Till we meet again! :)

#170 random pictures

This is blunt. Forgive me, for another random entry. ^^ But sometimes, pictures speak louder than words. These are some collections of my favourite pictures. Don't ask me why, I just love them! Hehe. These pictures were all taken in Tamil Nadu and Manali, India. There are still a lot more..but I guess this is enough for a random entry. Hehe.. The pictures are not in any significant order ^^

August 25th 2011

Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah dan Maha Mengasihani.

Hari ni 25 Ogos 2011. Hujan dari tengah malam semalam baru berhenti dalam pukul 9 pagi. Hari pertama aku sebagai manusia berusia 21 tahun di atas muka bumi. Bersyukur sebab yang menemani aku sejak semalam adalah rahmat Allah, hujan.

Hari ni jugak 25 Ramadhan 1432. Dah tak berapa hari je lagi nak raya. Walaupun hari raya tu dikatakan hari kemenangan buat umat Islam, tapi sewajarnya kita rasa sedih untuk meninggalkan Ramadhan kan? Apa sangat amal kita bulan ni? Cukup kuat ke kita menahan nafsu, ke kalah jugak dengan nafsu saat berbuka puasa?

A few friends texted me last night, mengucapkan sanah helwah, happy birthday dan selamat hari lahir. Mendoakan semoga aku dipanjangkan umur dan dimurahkan rezeki. Facebook aku pula sepi buat masa ni, tak dibanjiri dengan ucapan2 hari lahir seperti tahun lepas. Sesungguhnya aku tak harap untuk didoakan agar usia dipanjangkan dan rezeki dimurahkan hanya pada hari ini. Namun doakanlah aku pada setiap kali kalian mengangkat tangan memohon kepada Allah.

Oh, and this.

Done by a close friend of mine, Shiela May Baylon from Philippines. I knew her due to my crazy addiction to Korean singers. Thank you sweetheart. ^^ I almost cried when I first received this. She, whom I called a Cinderella because she usually goes to bed at 12, stayed up late just to do this. I was touched, Twinnie. I love you.

Hari lahir tahun Masihi dah akan berlalu. Sekarang nak tunggu hari lahir tahun Hijrah pulak. 3 Safar 1433. Hehe. Kalau ikut tahun Hijrah, aku lahir pada tahun yg sama dengan Fadh, dan sebab tu Fadh tak nak terima kenyataan untuk ikut tahun Hijrah. Nanti kalau dah UA (insyaAllah pasti akan tiba satu hari nanti), takkan nak ikut tahun Masihi lagi kan Fadh? Hehe.

Hm, dah bertahun-tahun jugak aku raya tanpa baju baru. Dulu, lepas Mak meninggal, tiap2 tahun aku ada baju raya baru. Sebab tiap2 tahun mesti ada orang belikan kain untuk buat baju kurung. Tapi dah besar ni macam tak kisah ada ke tak baju raya baru. Baju kurung yang dalam almari tu pun tak terpakai, walhal semuanya masih padan elok lagi. Tak apa. Aku raya bukan sebab nak pakai baju baru. Dan bukan hari raya yang aku paling nanti-nantikan. Aku lebih menantikan hari aku bakal berangkat balik ke Poland.

“Dan katakanlah, ya Tuhanku, masukkan aku ke tempat masuk yang benar dan keluarkan aku ke tempat keluar yang benar dan berikanlah kepadaku dari sisi-Mu kekuasaan yang dapat menolong.”- 17:80

“Say: "O my Lord! Let my entry be by the Gate of Truth and Honour, and likewise my exit by the Gate of Truth and Honour; and grant me from Thy Presence an authority to aid (me)."”

Tak ada cinta yang tertinggal. Cuma aku yang rasa incomplete. I need Poland, and its dose of tarbiyyah. I need Poland, and its dose of biah solehah. I need Poland. I need Poland. I need Poland.

By the way, still; India is great. There are pros and cons, but it's definitely not a waste to come here. I'll think about uploading some pictures later ^^

And...I wish Shahida Zahar is here with me..and us ^^

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful.

26th June 2011.

There are a few things that I'd like to say.

First, it's been almost a month..but only few of my friends know about this. My facebook has been officially, permanently deleted. Find me here, or in formspring, or twitter. Or better yet, text or call me. ^^

Second, I might not be able to go online that frequently anymore. Starting tomorrow up until September. But I know I won't be able to live without going online, so I'll try somehow to go online whenever I can.

Third;

"Seandainya dunia ini seberat sebelah sayap nyamuk, nescaya Allah tidak akan sudi

memberi minum pada orang kafir meskipun hanya seteguk air."

The world is not that special in Allah's eyes. Allah even considers the world lighter than the weight of one mosquito's wing. A mosquito's wing. Sigh. While us humans look at the world, living our own life as if there is no tomorrow. And how much time do we really spend for the afterlife? Reminder for myself. Jangan banyak layan movie sangat Shiela. Jangan banyak baca novel sangat. Bukan semua tu boleh tolong kau pun kat akhirat nanti.

The world should be engraved in our hands, definitely not in our hearts.

See you guys when I see you!!

-lots of love-

ALERT: ENTRY MERAPU

Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah dan Maha Mengasihani.

Kalau diizinkan Allah, bila balik Malaysia nanti...saya nak:

-pergi semua program yg termampu pergi

-buat marathon novel yg dah lama terbongkang tak terbaca

-bukak puasa dekat kuala perlis lagi dengan as, wani, kirah

-jumpa nadirah hasanah dengan zatil dengan kak ili

-pergi pantai

-suruh subaili belanja makan macam yg dia penah janji dulu

-makan laksa dengan teh ais, keropok lekor dengan benjo, chocolate indulgence

Haih, materialistik sungguh aku. benda2 duniawi je banyak kau pikir tengah2 malam ni. Sebelum mode terlebih emo on, better stop here. Merapu tengah malam carik energy sambung study physio.

Sapa tahu?? ^^

Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah dan Maha Mengasihani.

14 Jun 2011.

Ehem ehem. Sapa faham hadith ni?

"Seandainya dunia ini seberat sebelah sayap nyamuk, nescaya Allah tidak akan sudi memberi minum pada orang kafir meskipun hanya seteguk air."

Ha, aku siap italickan and besarkan tulisan lagi. Siapa penah encounter hadith ni, or bila dia baca dia macam faham apa maksud yang cuba disampaikan? Hehe. Tak aci google eh! Pikir sendiri! Aku pun dulu pikir sendiri jugak bila first time dapat hadith ni, sampai tension2. ^^

Mesti ramai tahu ni. ^^ Saja nak main teka-teki jap hari ni. Ohoho.

Saya dan Pidah

Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah dan Maha Mengasihani.

Hari ni, 8hb Jun 2011.

Rasa macam dah lama aku tak berapa nak jadi diri sendiri dekat blog ni. These past few weeks macam agak depressed. Huhu. Dan alang2 musim final exam dah menjelma ni, time ni la mood blogging tu nak datang balik. ^^

Jumaat ni Microbiology. Pidah dekat sebelah aku sekarang tengah explain pasal B-cells dgn T-cells dekat aku yg tengah blogging sambil dengar mp4 lagu A Whole New Year Kyuhyun dengan Charice nyanyi. Tak sabar sungguh nak habis exam. Nak habis 2nd year dah, nak balik Malaysia. Nak makan keropok lekor, benjo, laksa dengan teh ais. Nak beli novel Hilal Asyraf dengan Hlovate. Nak jumpa kawan2. Nak tolong Pak buat rumah. Nak gaduh dengan abang berebut bilik.

Ok, memang merapu sangat la ni. Minggu ni tak usrah lagi. Tak sabar nak usrah, nak jumpa Kak Nana dengan Kak Moon. Kak Wani dah nak graduate 22hb nanti. A good thing jugak hari tu ada Physiology exam, kalau tak mesti nangis tengok Kak Wani dah bergelar Dr Siti Haswani MD. ^^

Berat aku turun untuk sepanjang tahun 2011 ni. Dulu 49kg, sekarang 39.2kg. =( Pidah pulak berat dia dulu 51kg, sekarang dah turun 49kg..tapi bila bangun pagi 47kg sebab kurang air dalam badan (Pidah paksa aku tulis ni sebab dia tengah duduk sblh aku skrg ni)

OK. Interview dari Pidah.

Pidah kate, "Aaaa, hari ini merupakan hari yg sgt tenang aman dan damai. Tapi di luaran sahaja. Dalam hati hanya Allah yg tahu betapa serabutnya bagaikan benang2 yg diserabutkan. Begitu byk skali dipendam kerana peperiksaan sudah dekat. Namun aku punya satu masalah, aku susah nak bg tumpuan, aku bingung, aku tak dapat nak dok kat meja study lama2, dlm kepala otak aku ada Totally Spies je. Tambahan pula dgn cita Yuyu Nora Elena. Ini semua salah Yuyu. (sambil Yuyu membalas dari dapur. "Mu hok tanye!") Lagi begitu byklah skali dugaannya ya Allah. Aku dok tahu la knape tp itulah masalah aku, aku susah nak bg tumpuan. aku bingung, aku bingung, aku bingung.....TAMMAT"

Macam melalut sangat pulak entry ni. Bak la aku salin hadith yg Kak Nana tulis dekat whiteboard rumah ni. Pesanan khas untuk mereka bergelar wanita.

Ibnu Umar r.a berkata bahawa Nabi SAW bersabda, "Wahai segenap kaum wanita, bersedekahlah dan banyakkanlah memohon ampun kepada Allah yakni istighfar kerana sesungguhnya aku melihat kalian adalah penghuni neraka yg paling banyak." Seorang wanita bertanya, "Mengapa kami menjadi majoriti penghuni neraka?" Rasulullah SAW menjawab, "Kerana kalian sering melaknat dan mengingkari hak suami. Selain itu, aku melihat tak ada yg lebih merata kekurangan akal dan agamanya dari kalian." Seorang wanita bertanya, "Apa maksud kekurangan akal dan agama?" Rasulullah SAW menjawab, "Kesaksian dua orang wanita setara dengan seorang lelaki dan wanita tak solat beberapa hari." -HR Muslim.

Nampak tak betapa randomnya post aku kali ni? Hehe. Nanti aku update lagi.

Lagi gambar random. Sahabat2 tercinta. MMuuuaaahhhh!!!