#210

In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful.

Assalamualaikum wbt.

It's a good thing that blogspot doesn't allow us to record and post screams and yells, because my blog would have been flooded with that if it does. 

Today was a day mixed with thousands of feelings, but I guess the day ends nicely. 

I used to doubt people's promises. I doubted whether they meant it when they promised. I doubted whether they would fulfill whatever they promised. There have been, not one but more people, breaking their promises to me. And so it was hard for me to trust people. As a whole. But someone changed that, and I just realised it today. Because I trusted her promise, I am able to control my emotions and be the rational me. Yes, she changed me in a way and I am grateful that Allah sent her to me. 

Tarbiyyah also changed me a lot.

Narshiela Saad now is different from Narshiela Saad three years ago. Thanks to Poland. Thanks to all my sisters in islam here. Thanks to my beloved housemates. Thanks for the usrah every week; the daurah and the jaulah. Most importantly, to Allah who led me to this path. 

I changed. And I'm happy with the changes. Alhamdulillah. I want everyone that I love to feel what I've been feeling. Allah, please guide them to You. 

"If Allah desires good for someone, He gives him understanding in the deen. Knowledge is gained by learning." -hadith Bukhari & Muslim.

#209 - .....

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Assalamualaikum wbt. 

My heart feels dry. There is too much duniawi in it, I believe. 

My heart feels dirty. There is too much jahiliyyah in it, I believe.

But people are never too late unless they are dying, aren't they?

We can change. We have the capabilities to change. Allah is The Most Adl of All. He wouldn't give us something we aren't able to face.

And reminding myself, quoting Hlovate, "Al-Quran is the best balm." It keeps you calm. It guides you through the darkest night before the dawn. 

Yes, people go through ups and downs. People are not perfect, that's why we don't worship people. 

I have flaws, but I am trying to be as good as I am capable of, because they are people out there, around me, that need me to keep trying.

I have flaws. Correct me when I'm wrong. For whatever flaws you see in me, see it as Narshiela Saad's flaws because she is a weak human that still needs guidance to be better. Please do not see it as a Muslim's flaws because my religion is perfect and it is me that haven't been able to practice my religion as a whole. 

I feel empty. And yes, al-Quran is the best balm. Indeed.

"Only in the remembrance of Allah that the heart will find tranquility."