Wednesday, October 17, 2018



Are there people who would still be reading blogs, and writing blogs?

I will never have the heart to delete this blog, but to find the time and the passion to start writing again is such a tough job. I am just super tired and super lazy nowadays. I will just let it be here, I will re-visit this site from time to time. This site was the witness to my growth, my ups and downs.

It isn't an understatement when I am saying that I am lost nowadays. Maybe I did overthink more than most, but honestly, I feel lost. I did what I am doing because I needed to do something. But I am doing things without purpose. I don't have anything like future plans or anything of that sort. I am just living from day to day basis.

Is it a good thing or a bad one? No idea.

I filtered out people as well. I am disappointed with people and hence I threw them away. I kind of assumed that some people who used to be important to me are having a blessed life right now and they are happy even without me in it. I kind of assumed I don't need those people who do not need me.

I am becoming toxic but I do want to get a hold of my life. I have been a follower. I was afraid of doing something I wanted to but shouldn't have, I was afraid to walk against the norm, but I want to find the little bits of happiness and contentment in myself. I want to do things I want to do, even if it means I might regret the decision later.

Life has changed so much even without us realizing it. But the life we are living, is it the kind of life that we are enjoying? Is it the kind of life that when we look back later we would be able to smile and say, "I lived a satisfying life?"

Thursday, October 12, 2017


She woke up to the sound of heavy rain again. She has always loved the rain. She could sleep when it rained. She could even dance in the rain. But today, she didn’t feel like doing either of those. She was wrapped tightly in her comforter, but she couldn’t fall back to sleep. Her thoughts were running amok they wouldn’t leave her alone.


She was thinking of him. Or more like, he has been consuming her thoughts. He just wouldn’t leave her mind. Whenever she was awake, she would think of his name, she would imagine his face, she would remember their memories. She was consumed by the thoughts of him.

A year has passed. They said time will heal. She was desperately waiting for that particular time when it will heal her.

A year has passed since the day she last heard of him. But she was nowhere near moving on.

Sunday, November 29, 2015

#253 Stories In The Cold, Worth To Be Told


Winter is coming. ^^

Enam tahun bermastautin di negara empat musim, winter is one of our most-awaited seasons. Tapi dekat Poland tu, tiap-tiap tahun bila winter je, mesti ada berita tentang homeless people yang mati kesejukan.

Winter is a beautiful season, but winter can only be enjoyed when we are feeling warm. I'm thankful that I get to experience the harsh coldness of winter, because it helps me to empathize those who are struggling in the cold.

So, I think I will not be able to sit still and do nothing when I know, at the other side of the world, there are still people freezing out in the cold. If we are able to help, even a little bit, why don't we?

Click for more details.
Malaysia ni tak ada musim salji, jadi kita memang susah jugak la nak faham kesusahan yang dilalui oleh mereka di Palestin, Syria, Lubnan, Jordan, Iraq dan tempat-tempat yang terjejas dek musim salji. Tapi kita ada musim hujan yang memang sejuk jugak la kan, lagi2 dengan banjir semua. Apa salahnya untuk mereka yang berkemampuan dan mahu membantu untuk menolong saudara seagama kita kan? 

I'm writing this because I want to help them, tapi jumlah wang yang diperlukan untuk setiap set tu mungkin agak besar untuk dikeluarkan oleh seorang individu. Ada yang nak membantu, tapi tak berkemampuan nak memberi sampai RM100. Maka, why not kita kongsi serba sedikit apa yang kita mampu beri, because at the end of the day, bukan jumlah yang Allah lihat tetapi niat dan keikhlasan kita untuk membantu. Sedihlah kalau kita membataskan niat kita untuk membantu hanya kerana ketidakmampuan kita untuk mengeluarkan jumlah yang diperlukan.

Maka, untuk siapa-siapa yang berkemampuan untuk membantu boleh terus transfer duit ke account yang dah tertera dalam poster di atas. Dan jika ada yang mahu bersama saya, kita kongsi sikit2 seberapa yang kita mampu, feel free to contact me and we'll talk from there. (whatsapp/telegram: +60195219250)

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 membantu bersama ARIF, AZIM, ALIF dan AMAR.

Sunday, November 15, 2015



Tahu tak betapa tak bersyukurnya seorang manusia tu? They always want something they do not have. They are never satisfied with whatever they have in hands. Ungratefulness. Greed. Ambitions. Give whatever names to it, they are actually one thing. Kita sentiasa berkehendakkan sesuatu yang kita pernah/tak akan/belum ada. And I am right now wishing that I am back as a student in Poland. It was a great six years that I am not ready to move on yet, no matter how much I'd like to start working.

So in this post, I am posting six pictures that I wanted to share stories about, for each year I spent in Poland. They aren't the most precious pictures, because I just couldn't decide which are the most precious. But like any other pictures, each has their own stories and each is precious in their own way. :)

2010: Kak Wani and Yuyu

First year medical student. Kak Wani's 25th birthday celebration. My first family in Poland was undoubtedly Fatihah w Lodzi. Yuyu, Pidah, Fadh, Kak Wani and Kak Dina. In a place where everything was unfamiliar, they were the reasons I survived every single day. The picture was taken in my hostel room. I loved the apartment we rented, but there were days where I would be missing this room as well. I love high places and we were on the 9th floor, with a balcony. 

2011: Kak Nad, Kak Moon and Kak Nana
Second year medical student. My three seniors on their way to the train station to catch a train back to Warsaw. This alley held a very special place in my heart because this was where our apartment was situated. It was a nice day with a nice weather, so we came up with a crazy idea to walk to the train station instead of taking a tram. Well, it wasn't that crazy considering we were in Poland, because in Poland, everyone walks. I remembered Yuyu (or was it Fadh?) disagreeing when we wanted to walk home as well from the train station, but she finally complied. In a place where there were no one else, we did everything together, the four of us. 

2012: Pidah, Fadh and Yuyu
Third year medical student. It was a tough year, and finally it's summer break! We were catching a plane the next morning, so we went to Warsaw a day earlier. It was late night when we arrived in Warszawa Centralny. That building behind is Palac of Kultury (Palace of Culture), apparently a symbol of pride to Warsaw. Yuyu was going to Paris with her friends for a vacation instead of going home with us that year. Warszawa Centralny was practically the place I visited the most in Warsaw in the six years. I took pride in knowing exactly what time the train to Lodz departed and in what platform it would be and what was the ticket price for each type of train. 

2013: Shiela, Fadh, Qina, Nadiah and Malaysia
Fourth year of medical student. This picture was taken in Manufaktura, one of the must-visit place if you are ever in Lodz. It was dubbed as "the city within a city", because it does have everything in that one place. Qina, Nad and Emerald came to Lodz for Emerald's badminton tournament and we were able to take them around for a bit. There was some sort of exhibition going on in Manufaktura (which was common), and people were allowed to scribble on the floor with colourful paintings. We decided to draw our very own Malaysia flag, because we are proud of our country. Oh wait. Are we? 

2014: shiela
Fifth year of medical student. It was January, or the latest early February. It was snowing heavily and we were having Family Medicine. We had the seminar in the Anatomy building. This building was where we first had class in the first year. It was where we first learnt how to pray outside in the cold because we were afraid of the eyes watching. However, it was only in our first year. Later, whenever we had classes here and we needed to pray, we prayed in a corridor in the building where it was warm and cozy because if people were gonna watch, well let them watch. ^^ I opened the window exactly at the corridor where we used to pray and wrote my name there. Two days later, my name was still there. 

2014: Anthony, Wesam, Philipp, Yuyu, Fadh, Shiela, Pidah, Marta
Sixth year of medical student. It was the first week as a final student. We started with a Dermatology class. This picture was taken on that first day coming back after an eventful summer break with the realization that we were graduating soon. Six years passed by briefly. We were only 19 when we came here, and we went home being 25. An age where everyone else is already graduating, already working, already marrying, we are just about to try and dip our feet in the real world. We were told that we were the cream of the cream, but honestly, we were the pampered cream, having been brainwashed to focus on studying that it was quite a shock when we saw the reality of life out there. However, after six years in Lodz, if it ever did anything to us, it taught us about survival. It taught us that wherever we are, however deep in despair we are, there will always be a way out. 

And I think after six years, I did secure some friendships that will last a lifetime. And hey, isn't that precious enough? ^^

Sunday, November 8, 2015



I'm listening to this song.

The music video speaks a lot about the song. I really like how simple the MV is, but it brings a very meaningful message to everyone, especially the girls out there. We are pressured by the expectations the society bears on us. Working at this age, marriage at that age etc. It is not easy to escape the norms, and people often fall into despair and depression trying to hold themselves together while performing for the world to see.

I am, as a matter of fact, in that kind of battle as of the moment. It stresses the hell out of me; the expectation the society has on me and the expectation I have on myself. 

Until a friend somehow, indirectly, reminded me of the reason why am I trying so hard right now. I am not doing this to please the society. I am not doing this because everyone else is doing the same. I am not doing this because people say it is the right thing to do. 

Often we are stressed, because we do not know the real reason behind every of our actions. I am doing this for myself. I am doing this because I want to repay my father and my family for being there for me in their own ways. And most importantly, I should be doing this for the sake of Allah. I should be doing this to please Him. 

I don't have to try so hard for others. I am trying for the pleasure within.

Stress, sometimes is needed to give us that push we need to move forward. But, Shiela, let's not let stress get the better part of you, okay? Three days to go! Only three days. You want this, Shiela. The adrenaline. The adventure. The life-altering moments. You want to savor this feelings instead of indulging yourself into the bottomless despair. 

And I am okay. I will be okay, come what may. Because it only will make me stronger and better. 

Allah, guide me.