Sunday, November 29, 2015

#253 Stories In The Cold, Worth To Be Told

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Winter is coming. ^^

Enam tahun bermastautin di negara empat musim, winter is one of our most-awaited seasons. Tapi dekat Poland tu, tiap-tiap tahun bila winter je, mesti ada berita tentang homeless people yang mati kesejukan.

Winter is a beautiful season, but winter can only be enjoyed when we are feeling warm. I'm thankful that I get to experience the harsh coldness of winter, because it helps me to empathize those who are struggling in the cold.

So, I think I will not be able to sit still and do nothing when I know, at the other side of the world, there are still people freezing out in the cold. If we are able to help, even a little bit, why don't we?

Click for more details.
Malaysia ni tak ada musim salji, jadi kita memang susah jugak la nak faham kesusahan yang dilalui oleh mereka di Palestin, Syria, Lubnan, Jordan, Iraq dan tempat-tempat yang terjejas dek musim salji. Tapi kita ada musim hujan yang memang sejuk jugak la kan, lagi2 dengan banjir semua. Apa salahnya untuk mereka yang berkemampuan dan mahu membantu untuk menolong saudara seagama kita kan? 

I'm writing this because I want to help them, tapi jumlah wang yang diperlukan untuk setiap set tu mungkin agak besar untuk dikeluarkan oleh seorang individu. Ada yang nak membantu, tapi tak berkemampuan nak memberi sampai RM100. Maka, why not kita kongsi serba sedikit apa yang kita mampu beri, because at the end of the day, bukan jumlah yang Allah lihat tetapi niat dan keikhlasan kita untuk membantu. Sedihlah kalau kita membataskan niat kita untuk membantu hanya kerana ketidakmampuan kita untuk mengeluarkan jumlah yang diperlukan.

Maka, untuk siapa-siapa yang berkemampuan untuk membantu boleh terus transfer duit ke account yang dah tertera dalam poster di atas. Dan jika ada yang mahu bersama saya, kita kongsi sikit2 seberapa yang kita mampu, feel free to contact me and we'll talk from there. (whatsapp/telegram: +60195219250)

Tumpang promote untuk pelajar-pelajar di Eropah yang mahu
 membantu bersama ARIF, AZIM, ALIF dan AMAR.

Sunday, November 15, 2015

#252

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Tahu tak betapa tak bersyukurnya seorang manusia tu? They always want something they do not have. They are never satisfied with whatever they have in hands. Ungratefulness. Greed. Ambitions. Give whatever names to it, they are actually one thing. Kita sentiasa berkehendakkan sesuatu yang kita pernah/tak akan/belum ada. And I am right now wishing that I am back as a student in Poland. It was a great six years that I am not ready to move on yet, no matter how much I'd like to start working.

So in this post, I am posting six pictures that I wanted to share stories about, for each year I spent in Poland. They aren't the most precious pictures, because I just couldn't decide which are the most precious. But like any other pictures, each has their own stories and each is precious in their own way. :)

2010: Kak Wani and Yuyu

First year medical student. Kak Wani's 25th birthday celebration. My first family in Poland was undoubtedly Fatihah w Lodzi. Yuyu, Pidah, Fadh, Kak Wani and Kak Dina. In a place where everything was unfamiliar, they were the reasons I survived every single day. The picture was taken in my hostel room. I loved the apartment we rented, but there were days where I would be missing this room as well. I love high places and we were on the 9th floor, with a balcony. 

2011: Kak Nad, Kak Moon and Kak Nana
Second year medical student. My three seniors on their way to the train station to catch a train back to Warsaw. This alley held a very special place in my heart because this was where our apartment was situated. It was a nice day with a nice weather, so we came up with a crazy idea to walk to the train station instead of taking a tram. Well, it wasn't that crazy considering we were in Poland, because in Poland, everyone walks. I remembered Yuyu (or was it Fadh?) disagreeing when we wanted to walk home as well from the train station, but she finally complied. In a place where there were no one else, we did everything together, the four of us. 


2012: Pidah, Fadh and Yuyu
Third year medical student. It was a tough year, and finally it's summer break! We were catching a plane the next morning, so we went to Warsaw a day earlier. It was late night when we arrived in Warszawa Centralny. That building behind is Palac of Kultury (Palace of Culture), apparently a symbol of pride to Warsaw. Yuyu was going to Paris with her friends for a vacation instead of going home with us that year. Warszawa Centralny was practically the place I visited the most in Warsaw in the six years. I took pride in knowing exactly what time the train to Lodz departed and in what platform it would be and what was the ticket price for each type of train. 

2013: Shiela, Fadh, Qina, Nadiah and Malaysia
Fourth year of medical student. This picture was taken in Manufaktura, one of the must-visit place if you are ever in Lodz. It was dubbed as "the city within a city", because it does have everything in that one place. Qina, Nad and Emerald came to Lodz for Emerald's badminton tournament and we were able to take them around for a bit. There was some sort of exhibition going on in Manufaktura (which was common), and people were allowed to scribble on the floor with colourful paintings. We decided to draw our very own Malaysia flag, because we are proud of our country. Oh wait. Are we? 

2014: shiela
Fifth year of medical student. It was January, or the latest early February. It was snowing heavily and we were having Family Medicine. We had the seminar in the Anatomy building. This building was where we first had class in the first year. It was where we first learnt how to pray outside in the cold because we were afraid of the eyes watching. However, it was only in our first year. Later, whenever we had classes here and we needed to pray, we prayed in a corridor in the building where it was warm and cozy because if people were gonna watch, well let them watch. ^^ I opened the window exactly at the corridor where we used to pray and wrote my name there. Two days later, my name was still there. 

2014: Anthony, Wesam, Philipp, Yuyu, Fadh, Shiela, Pidah, Marta
Sixth year of medical student. It was the first week as a final student. We started with a Dermatology class. This picture was taken on that first day coming back after an eventful summer break with the realization that we were graduating soon. Six years passed by briefly. We were only 19 when we came here, and we went home being 25. An age where everyone else is already graduating, already working, already marrying, we are just about to try and dip our feet in the real world. We were told that we were the cream of the cream, but honestly, we were the pampered cream, having been brainwashed to focus on studying that it was quite a shock when we saw the reality of life out there. However, after six years in Lodz, if it ever did anything to us, it taught us about survival. It taught us that wherever we are, however deep in despair we are, there will always be a way out. 

And I think after six years, I did secure some friendships that will last a lifetime. And hey, isn't that precious enough? ^^

Sunday, November 8, 2015

#251

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I'm listening to this song.

The music video speaks a lot about the song. I really like how simple the MV is, but it brings a very meaningful message to everyone, especially the girls out there. We are pressured by the expectations the society bears on us. Working at this age, marriage at that age etc. It is not easy to escape the norms, and people often fall into despair and depression trying to hold themselves together while performing for the world to see.

I am, as a matter of fact, in that kind of battle as of the moment. It stresses the hell out of me; the expectation the society has on me and the expectation I have on myself. 

Until a friend somehow, indirectly, reminded me of the reason why am I trying so hard right now. I am not doing this to please the society. I am not doing this because everyone else is doing the same. I am not doing this because people say it is the right thing to do. 

Often we are stressed, because we do not know the real reason behind every of our actions. I am doing this for myself. I am doing this because I want to repay my father and my family for being there for me in their own ways. And most importantly, I should be doing this for the sake of Allah. I should be doing this to please Him. 

I don't have to try so hard for others. I am trying for the pleasure within.

Stress, sometimes is needed to give us that push we need to move forward. But, Shiela, let's not let stress get the better part of you, okay? Three days to go! Only three days. You want this, Shiela. The adrenaline. The adventure. The life-altering moments. You want to savor this feelings instead of indulging yourself into the bottomless despair. 

And I am okay. I will be okay, come what may. Because it only will make me stronger and better. 

Allah, guide me.

Friday, October 9, 2015

#250 - Talking ABout Myself

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I rarely talk to people about myself, because I'm afraid I might sound narcissistic doing so. But today, I feel like doing exactly that, and my blog will not judge me for talking about myself, right? Hence I think this will be an appropriate place to boast about myself. Hah ha.

So, here it goes:

1. I am a proud Muslim and a trying-to-be proud Malaysian.

2. As of October 2015, I am a 25-year-old female and I am unemployed for almost four months already.

3. I am the last child in the family, something close friends can tell with their eyes closed but something strangers and new acquaintances find surprising.

4. My face is an open book. People can see my mood of the day just by looking at my facial muscles.

5. I am a hardcore pluviophilic. Dancing in the rain is something I do occasionally.

6. My favorite author of all times is Sidney Sheldon. I came to like his novels when I was 14 after reading The Best Laid Plan, a novel my brother bought. And it's a given that my favorite novel is If Tomorrow Comes written by him.

7. I used to love reading and writing. As of now, I wish I could love writing and reading the way I used to, because somehow along my college life, I kind of lost the interest to write and read as much as I did before.

8. Some of my favorite movies are War Horse, The Italian Job, V for Vendetta and The Recruit. Though I'd usually be biased to like anything with Mark Wahlberg and Jeremy Renner in it.

9. I made a pact to myself to not watch movies/dramas adapted from novels that I liked. Examples are the Harry Potter series and the Twilight series. One exception is the adaption of Ketika Cinta Bertasbih by Habiburrahman el-Shirazy.

10. I rarely talk about myself, but it has been a habit since forever to talk to myself everyday. Literally. As if there are two mes and I am giving the other me pep talks.

11. I like sleeping to the point that my friend has to give an anonymous advice for me to cut some sleep.

12. I do not know how to get angry, especially in front of the person I am angry at. My anger is usually expressed as tears while talking and venting to myself.

13. I am involved in usrah, a gathering of a few people where we recite the Quran, being reminded of Allah and talk about current issues among other things. I am loving every second of it and I plan to keep going to usrah as long as I am able to.

14. One of my favorite verses from the holy Quran is 22:78.

15. I love public transports. I'd take efficient public transports any day over any other means of transports. The keyword being efficient.

16. I love hiking even though I am not that physically fit to be hiking. But it is a hobby I am not ready to give up, so I'd keep hiking until I've had enough.

17. I love traveling though I always get stressed planning for it. I have always wanted to go backpacking taking trains across countries, but I need to find a travel buddy first for it. And money. Of course.

18. I used to live in Poland for six years while studying for my medical degree. I love everything about Poland; the people, the transports, the weather, the places. I think Poland might not be the most interesting place to go on holidays, because you need to live in it to fall for it the way I am. Falling. Hard. Not gonna move on anytime soon.

19. I am having a love-hate relationship with caffeine. So far I managed to stop taking in caffeine because we don't have coffee at home. When I feel like rewarding myself with some coffee, I'd go to my grandmother's house, who is also a coffee addict herself. Now I know where I get the gene from.

20. I have a dream I know I will never fulfill because of a story about the stingy Uncle Scrooge I read once during my childhood. 

Okay, I think twenty is enough for now. I might write again about myself whenever I feel like talking about myself. :)

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

#249 - For One More Day

Bismillahirrahim.



For One More Day. Untuk Sehari Lagi. A birthday present from a good friend of mine four years ago.

Since four years ago, this book was safely kept on the bookshelf in my bedroom. I told myself I would pick it up someday and read it. And that someday turned out to be four years later. I feel guilty, I didn't do the book justice. But however, I finally finished reading it.

My book was actually a translation of its original version. I think I would be able to relate more if it is actually in English, because Bahasa Melayu baku just doesn't seem to par with my interest in fictions. However, despite it being in Malay, it still gave me a good cry. After all, the only thing that is more emotional than a story about you and your mother is a story about you and your father. 

About:

For One More Day was about Chick Benetto meeting her supposedly-deceased mother for one day.

Chick Benetto lived his life without thinking too much about it. One day, he received a letter with a wedding photo of his daughter tucked inside. It gave him a realization that he who was supposed to be walking down the aisle with his daughter was actually denied of that responsibility and no one in the world loved him enough to want him in their life. He then decided to kill himself. 

He drove to Pepperville Beach, thinking that the place where he grew up would be the appropriate place to end his life. However, even after suffering from a few injuries inflicted on himself, he was still alive and able to walk to his old home. 

That was when his mother appeared in front of him and asked him to have a breakfast she was preparing, just like how she used to do everyday when Chick was growing up. Except that the house was long abandoned and her mother has been dead for a while.

My thoughts:

I didn't think much about the book while first reading it. It was my first book from Mitch Albom (and I'm waiting for the arrival of his other book yay) and I didn't have any expectations. However, as I finished reading it, it made me ponder upon my relationship with my mother as well. The one similarity I could relate to Chick is that both our mother passed away, and we are longing for her to be alive and well and talking to us.

I am not as lucky as Chick to be re-living one day with his late mother but I know better that re-living another day with my late mother wouldn't be the thing she would want. She would want me to keep living and move forward while continuously praying for her. And insyaAllah Mak, I'll try to include you in my prayers as long as I am still able to pray. 

The book was everything about the relationship one should have with their mother. Even the tiniest gesture from a mother that we usually overlook has the biggest and warmest meaning. The book told us to show our love to our mother while we still can. Because everyone can love in their own way, but what mothers (and fathers) need, I think, is how we show that we love them. While we are at it, I think we also need to teach ourselves the difference between doing something out of responsibility and doing something out of love. Parents do not need us to be responsible of them as a payback, they need us to show them that we love them the way they love us.

The book was also about second chance. We do not have a mother coming back from the dead to tell us about life, but once in a while, we will encounter hardships, regrets, sorrows. That will be when we have to be forgiving to ourselves. Killing ourselves or drowning in miseries alone or crying to the last drop of tears wouldn't be the solutions. That will be when we have to give ourselves a second chance. Everyone deserves a second chance as long as he is alive.

There was a quote I found somewhere that I made sure to write in my journal as a reminder to myself. It turned out to be a verse from a song that I'd like to share it here today.

"If you are going through hell right now, keep on going." - the song.

Sunday, July 26, 2015

#248 A Photo

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Today, my cousin suddenly sent a photo of myself with my childhood friend in our family Whatsapp. I looked really young in it, so I guessed it was before I started primary school.

Saying this might only embarrass myself, but somehow I genuinely think I was cute. *cough* I wore this bright smile, showing off teeth that was damaged due to sweets. It was cute, because just after a few years, I don't think I have ever been smiling like that. I looked genuinely happy, contented with my life at the moment, without worries at all.

If I could give a title to that photo, it would be "the smile I wore when Mom was around". Because childhood photos only reminded me of my late mother. I would think something like, Mom must be there looking at me when I took this photo. And somehow I hated her. We were not that rich to afford a camera during those times, so Mom would go around asking other mothers who had cameras for copies of my pictures. But she never took a picture of herself, never had a decent picture of herself. She only left me eleven years of vague memories. And her face, it sorta fade away from my mind.

She had been thinking only about me. And she forgot that I would want to think about her too.

Sunday, July 19, 2015

#247

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

We heard the saying, that as we grow older it is better to have less but real friends instead of many but fake ones.

Talking as I am experiencing getting older, it is so true. We might blame it on our job or family matters, but as we grow older, we talk less to people. We choose who to talk to.

However, there is also a saying that says, love can overcome everything. No matter how busy we are, if someone really matters, we will find the time to talk to him/her.

So. When people do not talk to us, I tend to conclude the worst; that we do no matter as much as they matter to us.

And as we are living in a world where the one who loves more is the weaker one, I think we will need to learn to love less. We need to learn to save some love for ourselves, because people can always betray and break you. People can change towards whom they show their loyalty. Because it's human nature.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

#246

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Countdown Ramadhan: One day to go. :)

InsyaAllah, this year would be my second and last year celebrating the first few weeks of Ramadhan in Poland. 19 hours. Wow. 

I need to write this in order to have the right mindset before I step my feet into the holy month. 

I was worried. Macam mana nak puasa 19 jam ni? Tahun lepas I was practically at home ALL the time during the month. Sahur sendiri. Makan sendiri. Solat sendiri. Habiskan masa sendiri. But this year will be my last year here, I wouldn't want just to spend the day indoor. And so I was worried. Macam mana kalau nanti tak larat? Macam mana kalau seharian lembik longlai je sampai tak boleh nak buat apa-apa? 

That was the only question that I had in my mind for a few days already. And so I need to write to correct the mindset.

Hunger, after all is a reaction we cannot avoid but have control over. After a period of time, if we do not eat, we will eventually feel hungry. But hunger is something that shouldn't be something that stops us from our daily activities.

Nabi Muhammad dan para sahabat berperang di tengah-tengah padang pasir pada bulan Ramadhan. Kita hanya perlu menahan kelaparan lebih lama daripada biasa. Kenapa mereka mampu, sedangkan kita tidak? 

Ramadhan, after all, isn't only about menahan lapar dan dahaga. Sebagaimana petikan hadis, adalah satu kerugian jika seseorang itu berpuasa dan apa yang diperolehi sepanjang puasanya hanya lapar dan dahaga. Ramadhan is more than that. 

Ramadhan is a school. Makan dan minum adalah perkara yang kita lakukan saban hari sepanjang sebelas bulan sebelum Ramadhan tiba. Ramadhan teaches us to stop doing that, because if we are able to be obliged to not eating and drinking, we surely has the potential to avoid doing things that we shouldn't do all the time.

Ramadhan itu lebih istimewa daripada sekadar menahan lapar dan dahaga. Ramadhan itu seharusnya menjadi medan untuk kita belajar mendekati Tuhan. InsyaAllah. I pray that every Muslim who is reading this will have a fruitful Ramadhan. Semoga kita memasuki Syawal sebulan dari sekarang sebagai seorang yang lebih bertaqwa.

Selamat berpuasa! Wherever you are! :)

Monday, June 15, 2015

#245

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

12.52am. My roommate is already sleeping, probably savoring her last night in Poland. I hope she is not disturbed with the sounds of my mouse clicks and my keyboard taps. Well, even if she is, I wouldn't stop writing since I didn't really have the drive to write nowadays. When it gets to me once in a while, I'll keep writing until I feel like stopping.

Looking back, I think our coordinator's speech during the graduation ceremony said it all. I was a mere high school student when I first got here. Going home for good in less than a month, I could say I grew up a little. There are mixed feelings about leaving Poland. I am excited to start a new life, but I am already missing the life I had here. 

Poland used to be a foreign land to me. This foreign land has taught me a lot of things that I didn't get to learn before. The six years I spent here is worth a lot more than the 19 years of my life before I came here. I was solely living for worldly gains, but coming home after six years, I am not only bringing my medical degree.

I am going to miss you, Poland. In a foreign land, I got closer to my God. In a foreign land, I became a woman from a girl. In a foreign land, I learnt how to stand back up after falling. In a foreign land, I learnt to see things more subjectively. In a foreign land, I learnt to be a better me. In a foreign land, I found my religion. Religion that used to just be about praying five times daily, in this foreign land, that religion became the whole of me.

These six years changed me. It's like going into a tunnel and coming out of it as a different person. 

To the three most important people who walked this journey with me; aren't we proud of ourselves that we are such strong women? Saying this crushes my pride, but I am going to miss having you girls around. There is no guarantee that we will be seeing each other again after this, I wish us all the best of luck. Wherever we will be, whatever we will be doing, may Allah bless us all. You girls are beautiful people who deserve whatever the world has to offer, so let's not just be satisfied yet, let's achieve more. 



To my fellow classmates and batchmates; congratulations for finally crossing the finish line though this is really just the beginning. The beginning to a more exciting journey. Let's be great doctors because we are all meant for great things. We are the chosen ones, so let's not give up when we feel like doing so and just hold it for one more day. Everyday, let's hold it for one more day. 



Credit as stated in the picture

To my juniors; it is hard to say goodbye but still, goodbye. Some of you have became a part of me I would never want to let go. I am so used to your presence that I'd need time to get used to your absence. Goodbyes are sad and hard, but it isn't that hard this time because I know we will see each other again. Till then, good luck and I hope you live your life doing things you will not regret.



Some of them, though many others are in my memories instead of pictures.

To my Polish sisters; you girls are a bonus given to me by God. A gift I never asked for, but eventually became a beautiful memory that I am grateful for. I pray that God blesses you with strength to practice islam as a minority. Well, you girls initially are already strong women. Let's meet again, whenever He permits. Till then, I'd like you to know that I am glad we met. 


Tuesday, June 2, 2015

#244

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

My bestfriend might be getting married. Well, I have a lot of friends that I consider bestfriend, and one of them might be getting married.

Two things that keep getting tugged on my heart:

1. She, like me, never really has anyone who is a potential spouse in life. Crushes, we do have. But she, like me, was never really in a serious relationship with anyone. Suddenly there is a guy who came into the picture, out of nowhere. I wasn't able to recover yet from the shock of someone coming into her life so sudden, and now she might even be getting married to that man. Double the shock.

2. She was so similar to me that I consider her the other me. One of my other bestfriends said something like this about the three of us; despite being 25, I don't feel pressured when people our age are getting married. But I might feel pressured when one of us is getting married. Well, not that I am pressured, but I think I will lose her as a bestfriend once she gets married. A part of me is getting married, how can I not?

I am sad over such an exciting news, I would be a bitch if I tell her all this, right?

Sunday, April 12, 2015

#243 - 59 days to maturity

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. 

So I'm trying again, for the nth time to restart blogging. First of all, pay no attention to the title. It is just my stupid countdown towards something that may somehow determine my wordly status, though my maturity level may have no affect at all.

A little update about myself; six years as a medical student has just ended early this month. I am currently waiting for my graduation in June. As desperate as I am for prayers and warm wishes from everyone, I hope no one would call me "Doctor". Yet. That title carries such a big responsibility that I would like to be free from the burden at least until my graduation day. Yes. I am in such a denial, but these few last months in Poland, I would love to savor it, create as much memories as I could, and leave this country that I've grown fond of without regrets.

One of the many things that I love about Poland is its public transport. It is so easy to go to Warsaw, about 126km away by train, that I've been going there almost every week. Pictures uploaded here are the pictures I just took at Lodz Widzew, the nearest train station to my house (only 10 minutes by bus). Trains, I think is one of the main public transports across Europe, hence explaining its comfortability, its affordability, its wide accessibility though sometimes it can also be a tad too expensive. Poland made me fall in love with trains. I am not sure how it works in Malaysia, but trains will always be my main mode of transport if I am to travel around Europe (excluding money as a variable).

I wish Malaysia could be like this in term of public transportations. It does not only concentrate on the city centres, but there are also easy acesses to public transports in small towns and villages. Of course, there are many who own cars in Malaysia, but there are just as many people who do not. I grew up having to depend on public transports and how amusing it is that since I was a primary school student up to now (about 15 years), there has not been much improvements in the system in the state I live in. Things that have changed are just the bus companies, the price of bus tickets and they printed the tickets now instead of bus conductors going around passing tickets. I just hope it would be more efficient, more frequent and it would cover more routes.

Well, this isn't how I imagined my comeback post would look like. But, it seems like a reflection from my heart. I am one of the many people in the world who use public transports, not only need them but also love riding on them. I will be greatly disappointed if my way of experiencing freedom is blocked by some people who think more about being recognized by the world instead of satisfying the citizen's needs.




Monday, January 12, 2015

#242

In the name of Allah The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful.

Winter is my least favorite season, but since this may be my last winter in Poland, I get sentimental somehow. I always am that kind of girl, getting sentimental and emotional even with the littlest thing.

One question that I have been wondering; why is winter night so bright? It gets dark like usual when the sun sets around 5pm, but when it gets to 9pm and above, the sky doesn't get pitch dark. It turns bright and orange. Is it only due to light pollution?

Sometimes, the hardest things in life is the simplest one. Like..a simple question that is very hard to answer. For example, "Are you happy with your life now?"

It was a question I have no exact answer to. The answer always depends on my mood. What about you? Are you happy with your life? 

Sunday, January 11, 2015

#241 apa pencapaian aku?

Dengan nama Allah yang Maha Pemurah dan Maha Mengasihani.

Lebih setengah tahun blog ini menyepi, dan hari ini, insyaAllah dihidupkan kembali. Kerana walaupun tanpa pembaca, aku mahu menyampaikan. Apa yang aku rasa, aku mahu luahkan semua. Blog ini adalah saksi jatuh bangun seorang aku. Sejak zaman belia remaja sehingga hampir mencecah suku abad saat ini, blog ini merakamkan setiap detik itu. 

Hari ini aku menangis membaca tinta seorang bakal ibu untuk anaknya yang bakal lahir. Betapa manusia itu sentiasa berubah. Rugilah mereka yang ditinggalkan arus kehidupan yang sentiasa bergerak ke hadapan. Perjalanan kehidupan itu maha pendek. Entahkan hari ini, entahkan esok lusa, bila-bila saja Tuhan berkuasa menarik nyawa. Lalu, kebelakangan ini sering aku bertanyakan kepada diri sendiri, apa pencapaian aku?

Jika aku mati hari ini, apa yang akan diingati tentang aku hanyalah dia yang sedang belajar di luar negara. 

Saat ini, aku masih belum menjadi seorang doktor. Saat ini, pendidikan tertinggi aku hanyalah sekeping sijil SPM yang aku terima tujuh tahun lalu. 

Saat ini, aku masih seorang perempuan bujang yang bakal mencecah usia 25. Saat ini, aku masih seperti aku tujuh tahun dahulu, bujang dan bahagia tanpa sulit memikirkan hal ehwal lelaki, cinta dan perkahwinan.

Jika aku mati tujuh tahun lalu, perasaannya mungkin sama sepertimana aku yang mati hari ini. Pencapaian aku hari ini tidak ada beza dengan pencapaian aku tujuh tahun lalu.

Tujuh tahun ini, apa yang aku lakukan dengan kehidupan ini? Sudahkah aku mempersiapkan diri untuk mati? Sudahkah aku bertungkus-lumus berusaha untuk berbakti?

Tujuh tahun ini, yang membezakan aku dengan aku yang dulu hanyalah secebis hidayah. Tujuh tahun lalu, aku buta. Saat ini, aku mampu melihat dari kaca mata yang sebenarnya. Tujuh tahun lalu, aku hanya mahu memperoleh dunia. Saat ini, aku menginginkan sekaligus akhirat di samping dunia. Jika aku bersungguh-sungguh. Jika aku benar-benar menggunakan secebis hidayah itu.

Jika aku masih memilih dunia saat ini setelah dicelikkan mata oleh Allah, maka aku yang hari ni malah lebih hina daripada aku tujuh tahun lalu. Allahu. Semoga dijauhkan Allah.

Peringatan untuk penulis yang sentiasa perlu diingatkan berulang-ulang kali.