#246

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Countdown Ramadhan: One day to go. :)

InsyaAllah, this year would be my second and last year celebrating the first few weeks of Ramadhan in Poland. 19 hours. Wow. 

I need to write this in order to have the right mindset before I step my feet into the holy month. 

I was worried. Macam mana nak puasa 19 jam ni? Tahun lepas I was practically at home ALL the time during the month. Sahur sendiri. Makan sendiri. Solat sendiri. Habiskan masa sendiri. But this year will be my last year here, I wouldn't want just to spend the day indoor. And so I was worried. Macam mana kalau nanti tak larat? Macam mana kalau seharian lembik longlai je sampai tak boleh nak buat apa-apa? 

That was the only question that I had in my mind for a few days already. And so I need to write to correct the mindset.

Hunger, after all is a reaction we cannot avoid but have control over. After a period of time, if we do not eat, we will eventually feel hungry. But hunger is something that shouldn't be something that stops us from our daily activities.

Nabi Muhammad dan para sahabat berperang di tengah-tengah padang pasir pada bulan Ramadhan. Kita hanya perlu menahan kelaparan lebih lama daripada biasa. Kenapa mereka mampu, sedangkan kita tidak? 

Ramadhan, after all, isn't only about menahan lapar dan dahaga. Sebagaimana petikan hadis, adalah satu kerugian jika seseorang itu berpuasa dan apa yang diperolehi sepanjang puasanya hanya lapar dan dahaga. Ramadhan is more than that. 

Ramadhan is a school. Makan dan minum adalah perkara yang kita lakukan saban hari sepanjang sebelas bulan sebelum Ramadhan tiba. Ramadhan teaches us to stop doing that, because if we are able to be obliged to not eating and drinking, we surely has the potential to avoid doing things that we shouldn't do all the time.

Ramadhan itu lebih istimewa daripada sekadar menahan lapar dan dahaga. Ramadhan itu seharusnya menjadi medan untuk kita belajar mendekati Tuhan. InsyaAllah. I pray that every Muslim who is reading this will have a fruitful Ramadhan. Semoga kita memasuki Syawal sebulan dari sekarang sebagai seorang yang lebih bertaqwa.

Selamat berpuasa! Wherever you are! :)

#245

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

12.52am. My roommate is already sleeping, probably savoring her last night in Poland. I hope she is not disturbed with the sounds of my mouse clicks and my keyboard taps. Well, even if she is, I wouldn't stop writing since I didn't really have the drive to write nowadays. When it gets to me once in a while, I'll keep writing until I feel like stopping.

Looking back, I think our coordinator's speech during the graduation ceremony said it all. I was a mere high school student when I first got here. Going home for good in less than a month, I could say I grew up a little. There are mixed feelings about leaving Poland. I am excited to start a new life, but I am already missing the life I had here. 

Poland used to be a foreign land to me. This foreign land has taught me a lot of things that I didn't get to learn before. The six years I spent here is worth a lot more than the 19 years of my life before I came here. I was solely living for worldly gains, but coming home after six years, I am not only bringing my medical degree.

I am going to miss you, Poland. In a foreign land, I got closer to my God. In a foreign land, I became a woman from a girl. In a foreign land, I learnt how to stand back up after falling. In a foreign land, I learnt to see things more subjectively. In a foreign land, I learnt to be a better me. In a foreign land, I found my religion. Religion that used to just be about praying five times daily, in this foreign land, that religion became the whole of me.

These six years changed me. It's like going into a tunnel and coming out of it as a different person. 

To the three most important people who walked this journey with me; aren't we proud of ourselves that we are such strong women? Saying this crushes my pride, but I am going to miss having you girls around. There is no guarantee that we will be seeing each other again after this, I wish us all the best of luck. Wherever we will be, whatever we will be doing, may Allah bless us all. You girls are beautiful people who deserve whatever the world has to offer, so let's not just be satisfied yet, let's achieve more. 

To my fellow classmates and batchmates; congratulations for finally crossing the finish line though this is really just the beginning. The beginning to a more exciting journey. Let's be great doctors because we are all meant for great things. We are the chosen ones, so let's not give up when we feel like doing so and just hold it for one more day. Everyday, let's hold it for one more day. 

Credit as stated in the picture

To my juniors; it is hard to say goodbye but still, goodbye. Some of you have became a part of me I would never want to let go. I am so used to your presence that I'd need time to get used to your absence. Goodbyes are sad and hard, but it isn't that hard this time because I know we will see each other again. Till then, good luck and I hope you live your life doing things you will not regret.

Some of them, though many others are in my memories instead of pictures.

To my Polish sisters; you girls are a bonus given to me by God. A gift I never asked for, but eventually became a beautiful memory that I am grateful for. I pray that God blesses you with strength to practice islam as a minority. Well, you girls initially are already strong women. Let's meet again, whenever He permits. Till then, I'd like you to know that I am glad we met. 

#244

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

My bestfriend might be getting married. Well, I have a lot of friends that I consider bestfriend, and one of them might be getting married.

Two things that keep getting tugged on my heart:

1. She, like me, never really has anyone who is a potential spouse in life. Crushes, we do have. But she, like me, was never really in a serious relationship with anyone. Suddenly there is a guy who came into the picture, out of nowhere. I wasn't able to recover yet from the shock of someone coming into her life so sudden, and now she might even be getting married to that man. Double the shock.

2. She was so similar to me that I consider her the other me. One of my other bestfriends said something like this about the three of us; despite being 25, I don't feel pressured when people our age are getting married. But I might feel pressured when one of us is getting married. Well, not that I am pressured, but I think I will lose her as a bestfriend once she gets married. A part of me is getting married, how can I not?

I am sad over such an exciting news, I would be a bitch if I tell her all this, right?