#189-a thing called EGO

In the name of Allah the Most Gracious and the Most Merciful.

I dislike myself for not updating my blog that often. Whenever I started writing, there is always something to say. But somehow that temptation, the drive that made me wanna write has been long gone. Maybe it's running away since Poland has been extraordinarily cold nowadays. Something to do with the global warming, I suppose but I'd be satisfied to just settle for 'kunfayakun'. Allah wants it to be this way; the snowless, sunny all day long but way too freezing.

Hm, ego isn't good, is it? But everyone has an ego, the difference is whether it is high or low, whether it is tolerable or non. Ego isn't a character of our beloved Rasulullah saw, which means we shouldn't be proud to be ego. Ego is actually a character of shaitan, which the very reason why they were taken out of jannah. Shaitan were taken out of jannah because they were ego.

Ego is a latin word, which bears the meaning of 'I'. Based on my own personal opinion, I'd say the opposite of ego is 'not I'. It somehow makes sense, we become an egoistic person whenever we feel like we are the true, superior one. We want people to acknowledge us, that is an ego. We want us to be right and others to be wrong, that is ego.

And whenever we think of people more than we think of ourselves, we overcome our ego; little by little. The highest level of ukhwah, is when one is able to sacrifice everything, even his/her own life for his/her sahabat. But still, let's not go that deep. We don't sacrifice our life for our sahabat everyday. We do not encounter a situation of life and death everyday. So let's choose a more friendlier situation then. :)

Two situations happened to me today. One, where it needed me to sacrifice a favourite treasure of mine. And the only thing I could remember was Pidah's words months ago;

"Kalau kita sayang barang tu, kita kena bagi kat orang yang kita sayang." (her words weren't exactly like this, but somehow the meanings are similar)

This is a situation we encounter, if not always then sometimes in our life. Two sets of KFC, will we choose the less tasty part and give our friend the more yummy and crispy part? Two bowls of rice, will we choose the one with less soup and give our friend the one with more soup? And what will we think if a friend asks us to give her a treat? Will we say, "alah hari tu aku dah belanja ko" or will we say "sori weh, aku tengah takde duit la" or will we say "ok tapi nanti ko pulak belanja aku eh" or will we say "anytime utk sahabat yg aku sayang"??

When it comes to money, we people tend to get stingy at times. But do we know that the only money that is ours are the one that we spend fisabilillah, sincerely? How much do we spend every year for charity, for sadaqah, for the Palestinians maybe?

The second situation is, the ego that is just as difficult to handle. Sacrificing our feelings. I was known, (maybe am still known) as someone who treasures friendship so much. The more I treasure friendship, the more Allah tested me, the more hardships I faced which I believed was given by Allah to purify my intention in making friends. Was the friendship based on Allah or was it not?

I fought with my friends sometimes. We hurt each other. When one got hurt, the other will hurt as well. Ordinary people will not talk to each other afterwards, because they are defending their ego. "I will not talk to her unless she talks to me first!" A more extraordinary people will also choose to be in silent, until they are able to calm down, reflect on their own mistakes and are able to talk without being controlled by the emotion. But the most extraordinary one are those that are able to sacrifice the pain they feel inside, and immediately mend the situation. They are hurt, but they know the more they think about the pain, the worse their relationship will be. So they choose to become a 'not I' person, and prioritize others more than 'I'.

I have ego as well. And I don't like it. Ego is a barrier which I have to overcome to accomplish the so-called 'i love you fillah' relationship. When I love you because of Allah, nothing matters than Allah's pleasure and acceptance. When I love you because of Allah, who cares if I get hurt as long as our relationship is still the same. Because I love you fillah. Only when I don't love Allah anymore will our friendship end.

I wrote a looong entry again, when I thought I have nothing to say.