Wednesday, October 17, 2018



Are there people who would still be reading blogs, and writing blogs?

I will never have the heart to delete this blog, but to find the time and the passion to start writing again is such a tough job. I am just super tired and super lazy nowadays. I will just let it be here, I will re-visit this site from time to time. This site was the witness to my growth, my ups and downs.

It isn't an understatement when I am saying that I am lost nowadays. Maybe I did overthink more than most, but honestly, I feel lost. I did what I am doing because I needed to do something. But I am doing things without purpose. I don't have anything like future plans or anything of that sort. I am just living from day to day basis.

Is it a good thing or a bad one? No idea.

I filtered out people as well. I am disappointed with people and hence I threw them away. I kind of assumed that some people who used to be important to me are having a blessed life right now and they are happy even without me in it. I kind of assumed I don't need those people who do not need me.

I am becoming toxic but I do want to get a hold of my life. I have been a follower. I was afraid of doing something I wanted to but shouldn't have, I was afraid to walk against the norm, but I want to find the little bits of happiness and contentment in myself. I want to do things I want to do, even if it means I might regret the decision later.

Life has changed so much even without us realizing it. But the life we are living, is it the kind of life that we are enjoying? Is it the kind of life that when we look back later we would be able to smile and say, "I lived a satisfying life?"


Anonymous said...

Ada ja yg baca. Tulis, not so much.

My mom said to me we need to have goals. No matter how small, silly, materialistic, or over the top it sounds to other people.
Then you know do this to get something out of it.

I don't filtered out people I think. I just didn't get close to anyone for them to know more than just my name, my age and where I'm from. So, just be happy to know that some people like me suffer as well. I'm okay with other people using my pain to comfort themselves.

By now you know I'm not a good advice giver. If I explain more, it will just get darker.

Writing things down like this is good to get things off your chest. But nothing can beat interaction with another human. We are a human after all.

Anonymous said...

i do read your blog kak shiela.. I miss your writing, I miss you.. though it would make me sound selfish and greedy, I really miss the old you.. I will always pray, may Allah ease everything for you.. and may you will find again the real purpose, the big why you do all these.. I love you fillah..