#263

Hi. To whomever who would still be reading a blog nowadays.

I'm like stuck in this phase where I cannot catch up with the advancing technology nowadays, I'm doing everything old school. I guess it's just my age catching up with me. 

November has been a hell of a month for me. I couldn't even remember what happened in the early parts of the month as I was so occupied with the latter half. My father fell ill. My strong willed father who used to walk around the village and who used to ride his motorbike every morning and who used to read newspapers every morning fell ill. One day he was fine then the next he couldn't even sit up on his own.

This has been a new experience for me. I am a doctor but I was never the family member who took care of sick family members. I was worried for him, scared for myself and I was annoyed and irritated with everyone else. It was exhausting you know. He was admitted for 3 nights, and there was only me to take care of him during his hospitalization. No one else was willing to take turns with me to accompany him in the hospital, so I have to stay with him day and night. He was getting better the day he got discharged but then at home his condition deteriorated again. He was still lethargic and I think he was feeling sad as well. 

I was tired myself, but I feel so helpless that I do not know how to make him feel better. I'm annoyed with everyone else as well. I felt so alone. The whole village was all his relatives and none care enough to pay him a visit. And I also needed the physical and moral support. So yeah, this whole ordeal has taken a toll on me. Not that I'm regretting to be taking care of him, he is my father, I do want to take care of him, I just hope that people will help me to take care of him. 

I don't know if people are still reading blogs, but if anyone comes across this post, would you please spend a minute to pray for his health, please? I miss my goofy and energetic father. The one thing he told me that shattered my heart was when he went to the toilet one night, but then unable to stand up and walk back to his bed, I was unable to lift him up as well, then he said "Adik, awat Pak jadi lagu ni?" It freaking shattered my heart you know. He used to be healthy and well and suddenly he couldn't even sit up on his own. 

Ya Allah, I know I am not the most obedient of your servants, I would understand if You won't be listening to my prayers, but I am a weak and selfish human being who can only turn to You in times of need, please grant my father health just the way he was before.