#264

Hi. 

Happy New Year 2023 to anyone who is still lurking around blogspots.

Sangat ketinggalan zamankah, to still be using this when everyone else seems to have moved on to other social platforms? People all over are recording short videos for tiktoks nowadays and trust me, I will start using tiktok when people would have already moved on to a newer social platform in the future.

There is beauty in sharing pictures and videos, I don't doubt that. But I can't just forget that writing is kind of healing for me. Writing used to be my passion even before I own a phone that has camera in it. Nowadays, I don't think I will be able to write the way I used to, but I refuse to leave it altogether. Once in a while, I would force myself to ramble something in here, even though it is meaningless. 

It's 2023 now. Time does fly fast, don't you think? I think 2022 has been my happiest year to date. In 2022, I was able to travel a lot and I was able to do things that I wanted to do without being held back. You know what usually holds me back? My own insecurities. All of the what-ifs. When I braved myself and crossed that bridge, I found out that it wasn't all that bad. I still lived, didn't I? If there are people reading this and arestill on the edge of whether wanting to do something or not, I think you should. You won't know without trying and you will forever live with the guilt of the what-ifs. And if you tried but then failed, at least you tried, right?

2022 wasn't all rainbows for me however. Like I mentioned in my previous post, my father was sick. (Alhamdullilah he's better now). But it was a trying time for me. I was on depression due to it for a while but as he gets better, I am also getting better. It was my first time caring for a sick family member, and I found out that there are many things that I need to learn still. I realized that my father depended on me as well. It was a strange feeling you know. In my mind, he is still the father figure who is so strong, but I just have to admit that he's older now, and weaker and he will need me more than I need him now.

For 2023, of course I would have to be typical to come out with new year resolutions right? I am doubting myself that I will be able to achieve these resolutions so I'm keeping it very minimum.

1. I would want to live in my own house (basically still the bank's house but still..let me dream of it). I started paying for my own house since October, received the keys in October, currently still under renovations and I am giddy about decorating the house even though I have zero artistic bone in me. Hopefully, by Hari Raya in April, my siblings and I would be able to have a gathering in there.

2. I wanted to lose more weight. I was 66.6kg when I entered 2022. Weighed myself today and I am at 59.95kg (refuse to round it up to 60kg I don't care). Hopefully I would be able to lose another..4kg? 5kg? By the end of the year? Let's hope so. I have reached that plateau so it will be harder to lose more weight now, but since dreaming is free so why not right? 

3. No matter what, I will not let money hold any power over me. Savings are good, but it shouldn't hinder you from enjoying life. Do not have the mindset that I'm saving now so that I will have an easier life in the future. You have no idea how long will you live. Savings are good, but enjoying the moment is also good. I refuse to stop myself from enjoying a little luxury now just because I need to save for the future. And with that, I wish that I would be able to travel more in 2023. Maybe one trip outside Malaysia? Like how I used to do before the pandemic?

The picture above is of me in The Habitat, Penang Hill back in September I think. I was there exploring alone, so no one to take a picture of me hence the very awkward angle of my phone on the floor. 

I will write again, though I won't put pressure on myself by putting a timeline on when it will be. I hope whoever comes across this will have a healthy and beautiful 2023. :)