...feeling empty...

i don't really know what to write, how to really express my feeling...i am feeling empty...i don't know how do i really feel...i forgot how to express my feelings...i forgot how to comfort everyone around me...i forgot how to love!! i used to look at the green plants all around me...whenever i opened the window of my bedroom, there are so much things nature had offered me...and when i am away from home,i hate to think that somehow i am going to forget all those things...i am growing in this kind of world, i won't surprise to learn that i am going to be heartless...i hardly have time to smile and laugh and worry about nothing (unless u count the 1-hour watching 'miss no good')...i always cry without even knowing the concrete reasons of the tears...i cried because i don't know what else to do... i've watched this one drama,and there's this one scene...when he thought that his life is at stake,he thought that his life could't even be worse,and he almost gave up on his career and family...he told his friend, his life is like driving a car,he was so obsessed of the speed,and suddenly he could't control his beloved car,and the next second he was trapped in his car in a lake...he loved his car,but the car killed him...he tried to get out of the car,but he couldn't...his friend told him...take the car to the base of the lake,where the pressure inside the car will be equal to the pressure of the lake,then only you can open the door...no matter what,you have to reach bottom....it made me realise somehow...i have no idea whether my life is at bottom or not...but as long as i could breath the fresh air,there is never too late to wake up again...i can't give up just because i want to...i can't start a new life without abandoning the old one and i don't really think i have the guts to let go of everything...the only solution is...it's not the life i have to start as new, it's myself after all....