Tuesday, February 2, 2010

..Love From Thousands Of Miles Away..

This is going to be an extra long entry. Because this entry brings a special meaning to me. Because this entry is written for a special person. Er, maaf la. Saya ambik gamba kat atas tanpa kebenaran. Sebab saya suka pemandangan dia. Saya suka cara awak pose =) Dan saya suka sweater itu. =p

Tadi Yuyu call dari bilik Pidah. Yuyu cakap, kenapa tak wish birthday Azhani? Kesian kat dia. Dia tunggu. Azhani, i didn't forget your birthday. Saya ingat birthday awak, Azhani. Dan saya sengaja bukak page awak kat Facebook
and comment kat post orang lain on the night of your birthday. Saya sengaja tak nak wish birthday awak. Sebab saya tak nak wish awak the way orang lain wish awak. Because I want to make my wish special in my own way. Sebab saya tak nak wish awak "Happy Birthday." Sebab saya nak wish awak "Happy Belated Birthday."


Azhani, Happy Belated 20th Birthday. 30hb hari tu, awak dah cukup 20 tahun. Syukur, Tuhan masih benarkan awak tengok dunia selama dua dekad. I'm happy for you. It had to be a very memorable birthday kan, to be celebrating it far away from your family. And, thank you too, for making me feel so touched. Saya ingat awak tak perasan. A lot of people wishing you happiness on your birthday, yet awak tetap tak lupa, saya tak wish awak. Saya happy, sebab awak ingat saya.

Ingat tak gambar ni? Ni one of the two pictures that i gave you on your last birthday. Kalau pun awak tak bawak that photo frame with you to India, I hope you can take a very good care of it. It contains one of my life happiest memories. It contains one of the love that I treasure most. Being a friend, saya hanya boleh bagi awak persahabatan, dan memori. And with this picture, at least I know you will sometimes remember me whenever you see it.

A sign of love. Yg mana satu awak, yg mana satu saya ye? Erm, ingat tak hari first kita jumpa? Kat dalam bilik kita. I was sitting on the bed, and then you and your family came in. Awak mesti sedih waktu tu, dah la tak dapat duduk sebilik dengan Diba, pastu dapat pulak katil atas. Hee, mmg perancangan Allah yg paling baik kan. Allah granted your wish utk jadi roomate Diba a year after. Time tu saya sangat takut tau tak. Seeing you and your family, I asked myself, "Boleh ke ak nak in dgn budak ni? Macam tak je." And again, saya tewas dgn perancangan Allah. He knows best what we know not.

Orang cakap, time is just numbers. And I couldn't agree more. Azhani, saya sayang awak. Saya kenal awak baru setahun lebih. Tapi, saya tetap sayang awak. Saya adalah manusia yg sangat menghargai persahabatan. Tapi, selama ni saya pandang persahabatan tu on the basis of time. Saya tak percaya istilah sahabat boleh digunakan pada orang yg baru saya kenal. Dan lagi sekali, saya tewas dengan perancangan Allah. Awak orang kedua yg buat saya ubah apa yg saya percaya. Even baru setahun lebih saya kenal awak, awak tetap sahabat saya dunia akhirat. InsyaAllah. Awak S.A.H.A.B.A.T saya.

Gambar ni ada makna yg sangat signifikan pada saya. In this, we are no longer friends. In this, we are a family. Saya tak pernah sayang kawan2 saya macam saya sayang family saya. Instead, saya harap saya sayang family saya macam saya sayang kawan2 saya. Sebab sayang saya pada family saya is one conditional love. And i have no choice but to accept the choice. Choice to love the family yg Allah dah tetapkan utk saya. And i'm just grateful utk itu. But with friendship, it was unconditional. Allah beri saya peluang utk pilih orang yg saya nak sayang. Allah biarkan saya jumpa awak, dan Allah biarkan saya cultivate rasa sayang saya pada awak. With family, i have no choice but to love them with all that i have. With friendship, i do have choice, and i chose to love you with all that i have.

A friend of mine asked me once,"How can I really understand girls?"
And I replied,"I have no answer, because i don't fully understand myself either."
Kenapa saya tak suka all those bracelets, rings, accessories etc macam girls yg lain? Kenapa saya tak boleh pakai high heels? Kenapa saya suka baca novel yg saya sendiri pun tak terfikir saya boleh baca? Kenapa saya tak suka pusing2 tudung macam girls yg lain? Dan, walau apa sekali pun jawapan saya, being a girl who doesn't really achieve the standard of being a girl made me feel special towards our friendship. Sebab I'm among the girls who doesn't know how to talk gracefully. Which is why among all your girl friends, saya mungkin termasuk dlm kelompok minoriti yg bahasakan diri saya "aku" when talking to you. It seems simple, tapi sumpah Azhani! Aku rasa istimewa for being that way, for being able to talk to you that way, for being able to be myself whenever I'm in front of you.


Saya sangat suka gambar ni. Waktu nak ambik gambar ni, kita marah Diba. Sebab Diba cover lens kamera dgn tangan dia. Tapi Diba mantain je cakap, gambar ni nt mesti lawa. Dan saya mmg suka gambar ni pun. Waktu saya rindu awak hari tu, saya letak gambar ni as profile picture kat Facebook. Tapi ada la orang tu perasan, dia kata saya letak sbb saya rindu orang tu. Disebabkan niat saya dah terdiscovered, so saya pun tukar la profile picture tu. Hee. Azhani, saya rindu awak!

Sepanjang saya kat Poland ni, tahu tak masa bila saya paling rindu awak? When I was surrounded by our other friends. Lagi ramai kawan2 kita waktu tu, lagi saya akan rasa rindu kat awak. Out of a sudden, saya akan tiba2 fikir how will it be if you are here with me. Mesti best kalau awak pun ada kat sini. Tapi, everything happens for a reason. And having you as my roomate for one year was more than i could ask for. Thanks sbb layan kerenah saya sepanjang kita duduk satu rumah dulu. Thanks sbb tahan dgn sikap saya yg kadang2 tu tanpa sedar menyakitkan hati awak. Thanks for being with me. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks.

Hari tu saya demam. Saya tutup lampu bilik, and tidur. Tiba2 awak datang. Awak suruh saya makan ubat. Tapi saya degil. Saya tak nak. Awak suruh lagi. Saya tetap tak nak. Awak paksa. Saya tetap berkeras. Awak ugut tak nak bagi saya tidur kalau saya tak makan ubat. Saya tarik selimut tutup muka. Awak tarik balik selimut tu. Awak suruh saya makan ubat jugak. Saya geleng lagi. Awak cakap, takpe kalau tak nak makan dua biji, makan satu pun jadi la. Entah kenapa waktu tu saya macam dah tak boleh nak lawan awak. Saya suruh awak keluar bilik sebab saya nak makan ubat tu. Dan saya makan. Bila awak masuk balik, awak tanya saya lagi dah makan ke ubat tu. Awak ingat saya buat2 makan je. Dan niat nak tidur balik terus terbantut. Walaupun saya demam malam tu, saya still ada strength utk buat sesi luahan hati dgn awak. Awak ingat lg apa yg awak cerita kat saya malam tu? =)
Hari tu result utk siapa yg dapat pergi Hradec Kralove keluar. Shida dapat. Awak, Diba, Alyaa, Nini and Dolly tak dapat. Saya pulak tak berani nak check. Awak mintak no siri saya, tp saya tak bg. Senyap2 saya suruh kawan saya kat GMI checkkan. Waktu tu kita tengah dinner. And saya dapat sms dari kawan saya tu. Saya dapat. Saya bagitahu kat awak and yg lain. Dan time saya tgh gelak2 dgn Shida, tb2 awak nangis. Sumpah saya terkejut sgt waktu tu. Shida cakap, "Time Az tahu yg dia tak dapat, dia gelak. Time dia tahu Shida dapat, dia tak cakap apa2. Time dia tahu Shiela dapat, dia menangis." Awak cakap bukan sebab Shiela je awak nangis. Awak nangis sbb Shida, Shiela, Sofia, Nina dapat. Tak kisah la awak nangis sbb saya ke tak waktu tu, tapi sy tak rasa saya dapat lupa waktu tu.


Gambar awak dgn Yuyu. Gambar roomate dan ex-roomate saya. Awak pernah tanya saya. Antara awak dgn Yuyu, roomate dgn siapa lagi best. Then awak sendiri jawab,"Mesti dgn Yuyu lagi best kan." Azhani, jawapan saya... Tak kisah la siapa pun roomate saya sekarang. Tak kisah la roomate dgn siapa lagi best. Tak kisah la berapa banyak roomate saya akan ada now and after. Sebab walau siapa pun roomate saya, saya tetap akan sentiasa rindu dekat ex-roomate saya yg sorang tu. Sebab walau siapa pun roomate saya, saya tetap akan sentiasa teringat dekat ex-roomate saya yg sorang tu. Sebab walau siapa pun roomate saya, saya tak mungkin akan lupa awak dan saya pernah jadi roomate.


Azhani, I'm out of ideas already. There're too much too treasure, yet I don't know how to put them into words. I might be one of the passer-by in your life. One who came knocking in your life as a guest. One whom you invited in, have a good chat and finally is going to leave. I might be one of those. One who once appeared, and then may dissapear without leaving a single trace behind. I might not have the chance to see you again. But I do want to let you know. Even though you are also a passer-by in my life, even though you are only a guest in my life, even though you are going to finally leave.. you are one of a kind. You are one that can never be forgotten. You are one that I don't want to forget. Thank you, for letting me in. Thank you, for accepting me. Thank you, for everything. You definitely deserve more than a thank you and a blog entry, but this is the only way I could think of. This is the only way I could think of to show how important you are to me, to show how much I treasure our friendship.


Azhani, Happy Belated Birthday! I did intend to be a late wisher. I did plan not to wish you on your birthday. Because a belated wish can be said for another 364 days before you encounter your next birthday. Because i do want to wish you for 364 times. With my wish every single day of the year comes my doa for you. I wish that your life will be blessed. I wish that you will have a smooth sailing journey throughout your life. I wish you happiness. I wish you love and laughter. I wish that you'll have worth remembering memories to accompany your life. I wish you success. I wish you strength; so that whenever you encounter any problems in your life, you will be strong enough to face them, you will be strong enough to protect yourself, you will be strong enpugh to have full faith in Allah. And most of all, I wish you a good life now and hereafter.

Azhani, I wish you luck! If only my path of life will cross yours again, I do hope there will be a lot more beautiful memories we can create together. Do remember, thousands miles away, there's someone who is sincerely loving you, caring for you and thinking of you as her irreplaceable good friend. Do remember, thousands miles away, there's someone who is always willing to share every single things with you, to listen to every single things about you, to cry and to laugh with you. Do remember that.

NURUL AZHANI, HAPPY 20TH! AKU SAYANG KO!

7 comments:

alyaaliyana said...

huhuhuhu.....
jelesnyaaa!!!!! huhu...
i'll never have sumbody yg akn wat anythin like thid to me...
i guess...never ever....

sHieLa said...

alah alyaa...
apa nak jeles2 ni??
ak sayang semua sama jela..
sayang anda jugak tau! muahh!!

Anonymous said...

jimmy says...speechless...huuu:)..jum skyping!

amirahsamat said...

sayela kwn di GMI tu kwn2 !!!
hahaha .
popular seketika .hee

sHieLa said...

azhani: ko mmg slalu speechless, at least cakap la time kasih ke..heheh

mashi: yup2,silalah mempublisitikan diri anda..ngehehe!! lawak la ko ni

shahida.zahar said...

banyaaakkk nyaaa gmbar sy =p
rindu az jugak!!
rindu e1313. sobs!!

sHieLa said...

hee. saja letak gambar ko gak.
sbb rindu shahida jugee. hee~