#221 - an oath

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious and The Most Merciful.

UWAGA. This is kind of a personal entry, about my personal experience. 

I loved numbers. I think my head was wired that way. I had never gotten a B in Mathematics since Standard 1 to Form 5. Never. Add Maths was harder, but the challenges made my adrenaline rushed and I have been in love with it ever since I first learnt it.

So was chemistry. I fell in love with it even before I started learning about it. I would sneakily look into my brother's notebook and saw what I could understand from it. And physics. I remembered that day Cikgu Zainon took those who got A in their physics out for a steamboat dinner. I was the only girl among those guys, whom today; most of them had successfully finished studying engineering.

And today I am a medical student. Oh Lord, I couldn't even compute it myself. Narshiela Saad and Biology shouldn't even be in a sentence. But somehow it happened. I put aside my ultimate interest, and I didn't even know where did I get the idea of studying medicine. I was like, let's just follow the flow. If it's meant to happen, it will. 

But today, I found my purpose. Maybe it's a tad too late. I am already in my 4th year of medical school, and still I didn't know why would I wanna be a doctor. 

Today, the question was answered. I attended a talk held by Ikatan Pelajar Islam Poland (IPIP) about our journey ahead as a houseman. A bunch of thanks to IPIP for organizing such a great talk, even paid Dr Munawar, an emergency physician from Malaysia for the talk. 

Dr Munawar gave each of us a blank paper, and asked us to write some sort of an oath to ourselves. A promise to ourselves. A doa to Allah. As a motivation. It was supposed to be a secret between me and Allah. But, I never kept secret from my blog. He's been here long enough to see my ups and downs and so, it will feel like I am cheating on him if I wouldn't wanna share this with him. :p

After all, if there's anyone reading this, you'll help me achieving it right? Help me when I get lost. Bring me up when I don't wanna go on. Remind me when I'm busy doing other unnecessary things.

I WANNA BE A DOCTOR WHO...

• reminds patients of Allah, and take the sickness as a test, redha with everything that is and bound to happen
• can easily mix with the patients, the patients' families and the more important; the other medical or non-medical staffs
• can put patients as priority, instead of my own wants and needs
• has a spouse that understands my work, supports me and always reminds me that whatever I do, it is for DnT
• starts being serious from now on >_<

For the first time, Dr Munawar made me think really seriously about my life as a married woman. I always thought I want to get married, even whenever I called home, I would joke around with Pak asking for his permissions to get married. But right now, I see marriage as a serious thing. Something serious that I need to think seriously about. Being a doctor is no joke. And I need a partner that understands my job description. And a partner that despite everything, will help me so that I'll still be active in DnT for years to come. 

The last point is the most crucial point. Because it starts now. You know of one hadith that literally asked us not to be malas? I was like, being slapped by that hadith every single day. :/

"Bersemangatlah dalam hal yang bermanfaat bagimu. Dan minta tolonglah pada Allah dan JANGANLAH MALAS. Apabila kamu tertimpa sesuatu, janganlah kamu berkata: 'Seandainya aku berbuat demikian, tentu tidak akan begini/begitu.' Tetapi katakanlah: 'Ini telah ditakdirkan oleh Allah, dan Allah berbuat apa yang dikehendaki-Nya', kerana ucapan 'seandainya' akan membuka pintu syaitan." -HR Muslim.

post script: today i found out one bad habit when i write. Before i get to the main point, i would write a looong introduction, which is of no points. T.T 

post script 2: i didn't intend to write about marriage or anything related to that, but it somehow ends that way. We girls think a lot about marriage, but to know that guys think a lot more than us is just :O

post script 3: pray for me! pleaseee.