#257

 Hello again.

A pat on the back for myself for writing again in the same year as the previous post. I guess I do not need people to read my blog for me to feel validated. Currently I am just happy that I could continue typing even if I am saying nonsense. Not 100%, but I guess I am proud of myself a little that I am able to do things that make me feel better about myself without depending on other people.

Right now, I feel better about being able to write. This blog is my biography. It witnessed my growth, my ups and downs since 2008 until now. It has been with me for about 14 years. I felt freaky and embarrassed reading my earlier posts but that was who I was at that time. Barely a teenager who just started to learn what Internet is, a teenager who just started to dip her little toe in the world outside the comfort of boarding schools.

I was really really innocent back then. I would go as far as calling myself a nerd. I was sheltered. I have no idea what went on outside my own little bubble. I was in that bubble, I think until recently. I was always a follower. Whatever was given to me, I accepted it as my fate. I did not make a lot of active choices, I made do with what was in front of me. I cried when things got hard, psyching myself into thinking that I was weak. But when I looked back, I think I was stronger than most, I survived the conditioning many failed.

Only recently I started to make choices for my own happiness. For the lack of a better word, it felt liberating. When I started making my own choice, I felt like I did not want to stop. It feels really good to choose to be happy. It feels good to not just accept your situation. It feels good to work around a little bit. My life has been about my work for the past 5 years - of course intermingled with a little dramas here and there - but mostly I spent most of my time working. Now I am able to do things outside of my work. 

Maybe it's a little sad that my job isn't my passion, but just a mean to make ends meet. But I think I am able to find balance between my job and my life. It must have been great to love your job, and even though I like it okay, I feel content now. My job does not take most of my time and does not cause me stress like how it used to. 

I'm rambling right? Well, I guess I am just starting my life. There's a lot to reflect and catch up. Sorry to bore you, though I guess I'm not really sorry.