Saturday, May 5, 2012

#197-Losing isn't as bad as it sounds

My mother passed away when I was 11. 10 years passed. I got over it. I moved on. It was one of the saddest moments of my life, but I was able to live through it. But somehow, when one of my cousins passed away a week ago, Abang tweeted this. 


I always knew, that time is the crucial factor, we will be healed by the fear and sorrow of losing someone dear when time goes by. A few months after Mak passed away, I used to miss her a lot. I'd look at her pictures, hugging it to sleep while crying. And even today, I still missed her. There were times when I talked to myself, thinking how good it would be if Mak is still here. How different will I become if she is just a phone call away. 

How time has really matured me. I no longer cry whenever I missed her now, instead a smile will always accompany me. She's gone. She'll never be back into the world. But there will be this one day, when I'll go meet her there. I'll go to her place and God's willing, I'll be reunited with her and everyone else there. It isn't something to cry about, but it is something to work on. 

To whoever out there, who has already experienced the loss of someone so dear to you, one way or another we will have to move on. No matter how many deaths we've experienced, we will never get used to it. We will still cry, still feel sad. It's normal to stop for a while, but then be brave to say goodbye and move on. We will meet them eventually. We will definitely meet them again. 

They, who leave, can't do anything but wait..but we, who are left and still alive, we have absolute control on how we want the grand reunion with them to look like. Whether we want it to be in hell, or the opposite side of hell, we are still able to work on it. 

Allah won't give you anything that is going to be a burden to you. As long as you have faith in His words, in His plans..you'll definitely see how beautiful your life is. A life which is perfect beyond its own imperfections. 

No. I don't wish things to be different. I don't wish for Mak to still be alive. I wonder how life will be if she's alive, but she doesn't and I'd prefer it to be this way. Whatever happened in the past, was His most beautiful plan for me to be me. Allah, I wasn't a good Muslim, but You planned things perfectly, and I found You within myself. Let us lose the entire world even, if He's still inside us, it's as if we already own the universe.

Losing isn't as bad as it sounds. :) We have each other, right? Each of us was blessed to experience something like this which turned out to be our strength. To Abang. To Wani. To Nad. To Asiah. To everyone out there who know what loss means. It isn't really a loss, is it? We actually gained something others do not have the privilege to hold onto. :)                   

2 comments:

Qirah Isa said...

congrats dear!
this is the most inspiring entry from u

sHieLa said...

thank you kirah.
it came from the heart, maybe that's why.