Wednesday, September 30, 2009

i'm not in the mood of uploading any photos right now. but thank God, i still have passion in writing. i don't care if i'm writing blog every single seconds of my whole day. i don't give a damn if there's not any single eye who is willing to read it. i don't really want to care. i write for myself. i write for my own satisfaction. and i'm happy that way.

should i-like Johanna-have two blogs;one for the public and the other for herself?? i'm afraid i am not able to manage both, yet there are so many things i'd like to throw out and spill without hurting anyone around. uh-huh.

living together with Yuyu, there're at least three things she already told me about herself; 1-she forgot very quickly of what she's talking about if someone came on her way 2-she's perfectionist 3-she loves art. and i asked her, "haven't i tell u anything about myself?". and of course not. i don't even know what to tell about myself. maybe if only i'd really have to put in on the list, i'll say i love words. i read novels, but i chose the authors. i didn't watch movies adapted from my favourite books. and i am getting passion on the atlas, and people won't have any idea how much i regret for not taking my atlas here with me.

Minn once told Ked, "i'm not that ordinary type of girl-who loves pink, fashions, lipstick, flowers and stuff." so am i the ordinary type of girl?? i definitely hate pink. i don't even know about the latest fashions and how to dress myself except the way i used to. i don't wear lipstick, except the lipice to keep my lips from getting dry and bleeding. i have never got flowers from anyone, and i don't feel like buying it myself. so am i?? or am i not??

and i do get jealous sometimes-honestly-when friends keep talking about how happy they are;to have someone who care about them. they have someone to dedicate the Aguilera's I Turn To You whenever they are having hard times. and i??? except God, i only have my Phoebe. and of course, they keep telling me,"enjoy your single life, having someone with you is not always bright." yeah2, so why did you at the first place?? out of curiosity? or what?

sumpah aku cakap, aku blh terima orang yg kapel. aku blh terima orang yg kapel sampai bawak jumpa famili. aku blh terima orang yg kapel and ada planning pasal future, nak kahwin bila umur brapa.. tapi aku tak blh terima orang yg kapel yg keep repeating the word "rindu cinta sayang" every now and then. aku tak boleh terima orang yg kapel yg TALK about hugs and kisses all the time. aku tak boleh terima orang yg kapel yg menjadikan takdir dan ketentuan Tuhan sbg alasan dan sebab dorang kapel. aku tak boleh terima orang yg kapel minggu ni,clash minggu depan,mourning the other week,and kapel pulak dgn orang lain minggu lagi satu.

dulu, aku pernah ada sorang kawan lelaki, yg sekarang ni masih lg kawan yg baik dgn aku. ada masalah, aku contact dia, aku sedih aku cari dia, tp aku tak sedar, Matlamat Tu Tak Pernah Menghalalkan Cara. aku ckp kat diri aku,"alah,aku mana ada apa2 feeling pun kt dia, so xsalah kot kalau aku nk share things." sedangkan Tuhan dah cakap terang2 dalam surah al-Isra':32. dan ada jugak manusia yg putarbelitkan kenyataan ni. malas la nk komen pnjg lebar, sendiri mau ingat la.

aku bersyukur dgn diri aku sekarang. tak kisah la aku kapel ke x, aku hepi ke x, asal aku tau apa yg baik utk diri aku. aku sgt2 bersyukur aku ada Wani. aku ada banyak kawan lelaki. kawan lelaki yg aku boleh percaya. kawan lelaki yg sama2 belajar membesar 5 tahun kat Jenan. dan sungguh, apart from them, aku susah nak berkawan dgn lelaki lain, dari Msu, PLKN, mana2 jela. aku rimas dgn romantic and mushy words. i don't like people hitting on me. aku tak suka lelaki yg cakap berlapik2 dgn aku. aku nak kawan dgn lelaki mcm Apple. dia open je dgn aku, he even said the word b*** on me. duh~(jgn la contohi dia ye..) aku nak kawan dgn lelaki mcm Nasir. yg aku xpayah nak control ayu or what dgn dy, tgh mulut penuh dgn nasik pun aku taram je ckp dgn dia. aku nak kawan dgn lelaki yg anggap aku mcm kawan, bukan mcm perempuan.

aku nak kawan dgn orang yg dapat terima kekurangan aku. yg rasa salah, dorang tegur, tp bkn utk buat aku nmpak perfect pd pndgn orang lain. kekurangan aku adalah keistimewaan aku. Wani terima aku seadanya. As sayang aku the way it should be. Kirah terima aku walau aku byk sakitkn hati dia. aku tak tau point ak tulih mnda2 ni suma, juz a feeling utk luahkan apa yg aku rasa. it's enough a reason kan??? okey, maybe aku agak emo hari ni.

8 comments:

koshary said...

childish relationship is not for mature magnificent living adults like us.heheh~

med student dont need a partner to go thrgh the years, we just need God, our housemates for study groups and a good anatomy book to keep us calm.

ohh yea,i really miss my anat book..

good luck being there,once i got back,its hard to say whether i could go online or not.so best wishes from me!

rabbana ma3akum=may God will alwys be with all of you.

CrazyHorsea said...

ko rjn tukar colour2 ni...

sHieLa said...

koshary-i'm starting the class next monday. duh,otak masih beku. yeah,we dont need a partner at all.at least for now. ada tanggung jawab lg besa kna utamakn kn...

crazyhorsea-i'd like to highlite some points, dats why~

iLiAiSyAh said...

oyt.... seronok kat sane dik??

aha..
kak ili just nak cakap
be urself no matter what happen
dah ade otak sendri, pk kan la sendri.. mane baek mane buruk
tak kan nak tunggu org bg instructor kot
n bile konpius perlukan guide, balik la pade alquran.. sume nyer ade disitu

njoy each moment in ur life...

Anonymous said...

err shiela,,
mngapa kah??
huu
exrumate

sHieLa said...

kak ili- thanks ye...rindu sgt nasihat & kata2 seorang kakak...(^_^)

azhani-aku sayang anda...(hii,xda kna ngena punn)

Anonymous said...

ku sentiase ade.. blog walking to ur blog is my priority

mls nak sign in nyh.. iLi

sHieLa said...

haha. kak ili sellau malas nak sign in. haha.