#199

You know, if you are an avid Hlovate's reader, you'll figure out that most of the characters in his/her novels, at least underwent two different phases of life. First, the past which was usually based on the character's interests. Second, the better present which was the character's choice.

I am not a fictional character, though I think at some point of my life I did undergo those two phases. InsyaAllah and alhamdulillah, I am a better me, but right now I am reminiscing my past. Listening to a playlist of Linkin Park's songs (in youtube because I already deleted most of the songs and my mp3 and mp4 are officially dead now). 

Linkin Park was my past. I threw it away years ago, since high school. I shouldn't be digging every single thing that was in the past, but since I missed my mother tonight, I did feel like reminiscing the past for a while before I shut the door to those jahiliyyah tightly. 

Guess that I am still not a good Muslim. I couldn't really leave those things behind. There were times, that out of the blue I'll be missing it. It's like missing a person you are forbidden to miss. You hate it when you missed him/her, but it isn't something you can control. 

"If you can't beat those pious people in doing good deeds, then beat those sinners in saying astaghfirullahalazhim." A quote that I stumbled upon today, which I rephrase because I couldn't remember how was the real sentence structure.

I wish you are a phone call away, Mother. But it looks like..you are a prayer away. :) Let's pretend you are still here. Will I miss you right now? Will I love you the way I love you? I guess I will get tired of your nagging, because whatever a daughter does that is out of the sight of her mother, is wrong. Mothers will always be typical and predictable. Haha.

Random and...Linkin Park's Somewhere I Belong is playing. Out.